I'm fascinated about what happens to the female young adult during the undergrad years. That pivotal time between 18 and 22 when you are basically a ball of clay being shaped into something completely different then when you first arrive. When I headed off to college I had the typical fantasy, of turtle necks and coffee shops, older boyfriends with thick glasses and apartments downtown. This guy and I would fall in love, with pillow side chats and early morning brunch. Then he would of course propose after our four year perfect relationship and we would be able to make it work while having fabulous careers and eventually moving to NYC to bask in our perfectness. I would have the perfect wedding at age 25 and we would be so perfect and travel the world. Just typing this fantasy makes me want to vomit, but I also feel a bit of sadness for the hopeful innocence that young Whitney did have back in the day.
While I quickly realized that college in the these new times is nothing like what I had imagined, I wasn't going to let that keep me from being assimilated. I learned to play the boy and girl games; also known as the hook up chronicles. You see young hopeful girls get to a university and realize that there is no more fantasy Notebook style young love romance; kids just wanna play and enjoy what their life is now. Basically the undergrad life, is the ultimate life. No worries, no cares, just booze, making new friends and making decisions, some life changing.
When you think about it , it kind of sounds genius. Young adults are not taking life too seriously and its all good. “Lets go all the way tonight. No regrets, just love” right? At the same time kids are shacking up, sleeping over and playing house. Living together and sharing a home as if they were a married couple. See in college no one dates anymore. You either suck face with a stranger, or hook up with a friend from time to time. College students have this arrogance that they don't want be tied down, or become all complicated in a relationship. That commitment is so passe. One option; you find a fuck buddy and you pretend that everything is casual and un-attached but you basically find yourself opening your life up to this person. Why do we think this is a good strategy? I know so many of my girl friends who are still in school and have sleep overs night after night with the boys they are “talking to” but they never get the full and deserved treatment that comes with playing house; because at anytime this boy could send a text and say “Its not working out anymore” and move on to the next.
OK so what am I trying to say with this blog. I'm not so much concerned about what goes on in the land of the undergrad soap opera. Life is for learning and I always say that “20s are for mistakes”, but I do believe that it has a bit of an impact on how you deal with relationships after wards. I worry that many young women honestly believe that what they experience in college is how men should treat them for the rest of their lives. If you are giving everything you have to a boy during the undergrad years and he leaves you completely empty by the end; and no one ever bothers to tell you that there is something better out there in the “Real World” how will you ever know? How will you ever believe in yourself and how will you ever develop the attitude of never settling for a half ass relationship again?
You cannot give multiple years of your life to someone in a bad relationship filled with games and non commitment and expect to walk away unscathed. By the time you leave school you are so programmed to think that what you just got out of is what you deserve anyway, and God forbid this relationship sustain outside of the undergrad walls, into the real world. When did we stop believing that there is something else out there! Don't you all remember “Somewhere Out There” from Fivel Goes West!?! The mouse movies!
You may think you love someone, but just because you sleep in the same bed and maybe sometimes he throws out the L word occasionally, it doesn't mean shit! Strive for more ladies! You're worth it! Love is consistent and secure, not fleeting and a booty call away. So my message to my undergrad girls, carpe diem, but be wise! Katy Perry doesn't know what the fuck she is talking about and the Teenage Dream eventually has to grow up as well.
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