I was finally straightforward with a guy! Well, after a few weeks of indirectness and drunken second base, but I did it! This is the story of Bachelor #2 and the day I finally stood up for my rights as a twenty something dating woman, well sorta. Bachelor #2 is a great person; a classic “nice guy” kinda nerdy though, and a little sexist. Its funny that he was so sexist because I'm pretty sure if I had slept with him he would have had NO IDEA what he was doing anyway. Yeahhh. Needless to say he was NOT the guy for me. Lets go back to the day we first started messaging.....Cue flashback sequence?
I met Bachelor #2 on one of my dating websites. As per usual we both received a message that we had rated each other with high marks. I don't know what it was about this kid that drew me to him; he was scruffy with a beard and Jew-Fro (yum) and I guess I was simply intrigued. His profile he seemed so edgy and funny and too cool for school, so on a Sunday night after having a particularly shitty afternoon; (my car was being a sassy bitch and stooped working, resulting in my walking home from the auto shop and almost getting molested by a homeless man) the chase began. While sitting at home drinking my wine and nibbling on my peppermint patty I got a message from Bachelor #2. We chatted for a few hours that night about this and that. I have to admit I found him interesting, his responses to my standard getting to know you questions were unique, but I didn't feel the Zsa Zsa Zoo just yet. The Zsa Zsa Zoo as Sex and the City so accurately describes it; is the “I gotta have ya” quality, the come hither. The “I think bout your penis and how awesome its gonna be”. Its the John Mayer, Ingrid Michelson lyrics that now narrate your fantasy about how it will all fall apart in the end anyway and you still gotta a have it! After about an hour of chit chat something inside of my head told me to just stop beating around the bush and ask him if he wanted to grab coffee some night. I was itching for another date and I wanted to just go full speed ahead with anyone. He gave me his number so we could talk more without the website. NICE TRY BOY. The “rules” state that I should be pursued. So in response I gave him my number as well, I wasn't about to text him first. Hellz Nah. I I told myself if he wanted to keep talking to me he would, and low and behold 15mins later I got a text from him. We picked a cafe to meet up at that Wednesday. I was excited because I couldn't decide how to read him .
Date night arrived and I put on my cutest little cardigan and headed to the little indie cafe down the street. Its always so damn nerve racking meeting an online person for the first time. I like to pump myself up by listening to Ke$ha in the car, gotta get in the zone. Let me just say this; the guys never look like how they do in their pictures, its just the way it is. Bachelor #2 was already there waiting for me at a table in the back. As soon as I saw him and started talking to him I realized that this guy wasn't what I was expecting. He was super sweet which is cool, but I could read the insecurity all over his face and he also wasn't as warm as I thought he was going to be. He definitely didn't have a sense of humor (bad sign), but he paid for my wine (score!). Something just wasn't connecting; I was mildly attracted to him at best and he lacked a certain swagger that was essential in my opinion.
After chatting for good amount of time, I thought our date would be over. Usually these thing only last an hour, maybe two and you decide if the date was a success or not and plan a second date or you move on and give the other person a “good game” hug without the possibility of another round. Just as soon as I was anticipating the end of our coffee talk, he asked me to grab dinner with him. W-W-WHAT? “Sure” I responded, I mean whatever, what else was I gonna do sit at home? Maybe there was more to this guy than I thought.
So we walked and talked and I found out that we had a lot in common. Yet again I felt like I was working my ass off to entertain this guy, it wasn't easy or comfortable. I mean I'm probably expecting too much for a first date, but I don't think I am. When you know you have good chemistry with someone, you can feel it, and I wasn't feeling it just yet. We had dinner in this cute little cafe, the only problem was that I had eaten dinner before so I looked like a little bitch with my small soup cup. I hate those women who don't eat in front of guys, ughhh! I was getting antsy and ready to go at this point, I'm not sure why, I just wanted to get home or see my friends or relax! Bachelor #2 made me nervous, and uncomfortable because he kept undressing me with his eyes. Watching my body as I sat down, taking long pauses in the conversation to compliment me on my "pretty eyes" and blahhh blahhh. Dude don't do that shit, its awkward! I don't like it. Pick up lines aren't my style, show me you're into to me with your actions and respect not your one-liners.
As we talked about music and whatever else I could think of to bring up, I sipped my soup and I noticed a table of guys next to us who looked like they were having the best time EVER! Laughing drinking and and loving life. I wanted to be over that their table SO BAD. I'm a sucker for “the fun guy”. I LOVE my guy friends, yes you can actually be friends with a guy. They are such hot messes and hilarious, I love it. I find men to be so interesting, and a few of them were cute too. Well after about 45 minutes of dinner tango we left the restaurant, only after I insisted that I pay for my damn soup myself. Thank you for wanting to pay but you're not my boyfriend and I can't handle that “let me pay” shit, the whole “who's going to pay” thing is just awkward all around. We walked back to my car and chatted about all sorts of things, he was kind of funny and I think he got my style of comedy. As we got closer to Betsy (that's my cars name) I started to feel nervous. OMG is he going to kiss me!? Ahhhhh I dunno if I want him to, is he going to ask me out for a second date? Well he indeed asked me out again. Sounds good to me I guess. It was an OK date and of course I can never say no. Why not grab dinner with the guy. I had a better feeling with him than I did with Bachelor #1 anyway. So we parted ways and I headed over to Beccah's apartment to watch Mad Men (LOVE) with her and Laura and discuss the date.
Well the following Tuesday ol' Bachelor #2 did indeed text me. I cant decide if I prefer a guy who talks with his lady during the week via text or only talks with her when planning the next activity. I appreciated Bachelor #1's attentive texting, but at the same time I don't have time for that. It takes me forever to respond anyway because I over analyze, what else is new. Yet I would still like a guy who I'm seeing to remind me of how awesome I am occasionally with a little texting (I'm a mess).
So anyway, Tuesday while watching GLEE at Mark's with the gang, Bachelor #2 and I set a date for that Thursday at this Mexican restaurant I had told him about (I was impressed he had remembered me talking about it). Thursday rolled around and I told myself that this date would make or break it. If it was good then ...well good. If it was bad well...peace out #2. I put on my sassiest yet casual 2nd date outfit, and headed out. I got there first this time. I felt like such a dork waiting for him. Dating is really weird when you think about little details like who waits for who. My favorite waiter was surprised when I told him it would be two this time (mmm hmm embarrassing). Bachelor #2 got there on time and I gave him a hug for good measure before we sat down.
As soon as the date started my heart sunk “I'm just NOT feeling it!” I thought to myself. I just couldn't get into him at all. We strangely talked about weed for most of our date , and what we were doing that weekend (so weird) . He yet again did the whole “let me stare at you, you piece of meat and make comments about how you make blood rush to my penis”. My personal favorite of the night “no need to rush, we've got time” followed by lingering stare. JESUS DUDE! I actually looked away from him and stared off into space. I find that compliments actually force me to not make eye contact (I'm sure its something from my child hood, but we''ll discuss another time).
Well since this date was a bust in my mind I decided to use my back up escape plan. Beccah was having a girls night at her house so I told him in my nicest, most adorable way that I had plans that I couldn't get out of. His face dropped in disappointment. OH SHIT motherfucker-fuck-shit I felt so bad! My phobia of being the mean girl over came me! Then I so cleverly said “How about you come over Saturday and um, we could make that cake I was telling you about and we could watch a movie?” WHAT THE HELL WHITNEY!!! Why would you say that??? I want to please, I dont want to disappoint! (issues clearly). I'll tell you one thing though, the man who actually does deserve me is very lucky, he will always be satisfied.
Bachelor #2's face lit back up at the sound of my third date option, all hope was restored within our twisted dating universe. I had no idea what inviting a guy over to your house on the third date meant. Actually, yes I did know what it meant, but I was hoping he didn't think it was that kind of third date. Then on the other had, I still kept telling myself “hey girl just make out with him or sleep with him, maybe that's where all the chemistry is hiding, in his member!” and I answered back “OMG brain you're so right! That's what needs to happen! High five”. At Beccah's I told the ladies about our next date and how I had screwed myself over. They were looking at me with concerned expressions as they should. “Why are you inviting some guy you don't even like over to your apartment?”. They were right right, but it was too late to back out now....or was it?
Laura informed me that a girls night was in order for Saturday, well hell if I'm gonna miss girls night for this damn date! FUCK THAT! So Saturday morning I texted Bachelor #2, asking if we could re-schedule movie night. I could hear the disappointment in his text....yes...hear . I shook it off though and got ready to party. During our pre-game at my apartment, I decided to have a little fun with my “OK Cupid” dating page and message a guy who I thought was unbelievably cute, this was the first time I had messaged a guy, but I was feeling drunk and sassy, and thought “why the hell not, go girl!”. This guy happens to be Bachelor #3.
Going out with my friends was the right choice, I was wasted and whipping my hair and we were all fabulous and single and loving life. I remember a brief interlude at some guys apartment where we watched him sing karaoke and pole dance. Somehow I gave him my number as well. Hmmm. I decided that in order to make things right with Bachelor #2 I would put a brilliant new plan into place. I decided I would text him that night while I was drunk and have him come over to my house for a romp session. GENIUS RIGHT. (Jesus Christ I don't know why I think these things are OK). Since I was dying to just kiss him or have sex with him or SOMETHING to see if he was really the right match for me. Maybe all of our chemistry was hiding under our clothes.
Since I was too drunk to even hold my phone my loyal and true friend Shannon typed the text and we brainstormed something along the lines of “Sorry I missed movie night, hope you had a good night”. Cute right? The next morning I woke up to my phone being attacked with messages from pole dancer guy but none from Bachelor #2. Well then.
While sitting in my favorite coffee shop (aka Breugers with free WiFi) Sunday afternoon, I realized it had been about approx 11hrs since my drunk text (but who's counting) and Bachelor #2 had yet to respond. At that moment I thought to myself “Why am I even still worrying about this bullshit, if he wanted to answerer my text he would have, his ass is awake!”. I deleted his number from my phone. So long Bachelor Number Two, I'm over it. It was interesting, to say the least. These boobs aren't yours to oggle anymore. I was Free Free Free!...Or so I thought.
Next Time on “And I Cant Help But Wonder”..... Will Whitney end things once and for all with #2 or will she continue to see him until it is unbearable? Find out on the next post!
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