I was nervous to text Bachelor #3 after the weekend. I didn't want to look like a hungry beggar impatient for our eventual meet up, but the suspense was killing me. It had been three weeks already! So I sucked it up, and casually asked him how his holiday was. Let me just say this. I love Jewish men. Like obsessed. I promise you I'm working on a blog post dedicated to the Jewish man. I could go on and on about Jewish men and their sexiness.
I didn't sense that Bachelor #3 was Jewish and we hadn't talked about religion, so you can imagine my surprise when he answered my text saying something like this. “Left the holiday to the gentiles and spent Saturday tearing apart my bathroom floor”. O-M-G. YESSSS!!!!. A sexy Jewish man who knows how to do handy work! Could this get any better? No but it could get weirder.
Trying to plan “grabbing a drink” with Bachelor #3 reminds me of bad sex with someone you shouldn't be having sex with. You are kind of into it and its too late to back out now, maybe it will all be worth it in the end, but just as you are about to go down on him he kicks you in the face 40 Year Old Virgin style.
More warning signs started to appear. Bachelor #3 told me that he could meet me for a drink “probs Wednesday”. Um OK. “Probs?”He also notified me that he was putting tile down on his floors Tuesday but if he finished early he would give me a call. He must have known that he kind of sounded like an unorganized dick because then he threw in “hopefully we can get together Tuesday, sooner rather than later :-)”. Damn you and your tricks #3! He was turning all kinds of tricks on me. His smiley face bullshit made everything right with me, and I was once again giddy with excitement for our date. Well Tuesday arrived and in my beautiful dark twisted fantasy I imagined Bachelor #3 texting me in the afternoon letting me know that he had in fact finished his tiles and we could finally meet. Left waiting in suspense all day I decided to go shopping (Yay Christmas money) and run errands (yay food stamps).
As 4pm rolled around I realized that he wasn't going to call, even if he had finished the “tiles” he wasn't going to call. This is when I had Beyonce moment. You know her song “Ring the Alarm” where she is pissed and not about to be disrespected by some man.. We the fucking alarm was ringing going off my head. I finally got it! If he was into me, he wouldn't care about tiles, I'm not the highlight of his night, no matter how many smiley faces he sends. I got it, the rules saved me yet again. Lets remember that I messaged him first. During my drunken haze I thought it would be a good idea, I felt strong and empowered and fierce and now I'm was waiting around like a powerless child.
We weren't even that compatible on the site, our percentages were all off. What was the point of this anymore? My rage lasted for quite some time, I was more mad at myself for getting mixed up with the classic jerk who was just not that into me. As I ate ice cream and drank my wine, my rage subsided. I told myself that I would just go on this stupid date on Wednesday and get it over with. Part of me wanted him to just not call me at all. Good riddance. I was so over this already before it had even started.
Wednesday afternoon after lunch I turned my phone on to find a voice mail from Bachelor #3. It was just mumbling and awkwardness. “Hey this is Bachelor #3 from OK Cupid, we've been talking and texting and I want to keep talking you and calling. Um did you wanna still meet today, yeah could we do it like later tonight or something. Call me back”. Um what was that? Even more annoyed with his games I called him back. I have to hand it to him though he did attempt to have a conversation with me, but I wasn't having it. I wasn't above providing one word answers to his lame questions about how I was doing and how work was going, and blahhh blahhh. He gave me another line of bullshit “So um would you wanna meet maybe a little later for drinks, I mean 7 is early and I have this dinner thing and yeah. What about like 8 or 9, or is that past your bed time?” Wait, I'm sorry. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? Past my bed time asshole? Hell to the no.
I was done I was so done! Ugh! He said he would call me at 8 and we could just meet up then. I was so pissed oh so pissed. I just wanted to be done with this, guy, I even considered calling him back and saying “Don't even fucking bother” but something in my head said “Just meet him and see what he's like, you may get a blog out of it, maybe he isn't an asshole”. I vented to Mark and Laura the whole walk to the car. Both of them were not pleased at all. I mean if I was a friend of mine and was hearing this story I would be ashamed, and judging!
I decided that I wasn't just going to sit around after work until he called me to meet him like a Call Girl Lap Dog. I wanted to see The Black Swan with my girl Laura and she had a good idea that would help me regain some power in this whole thing. “Just text him and say you are in a movie and will be out at 8:30ish then you can just meet him wherever”. She is so smart. That's exactly what I did. So after sitting through the production that is the Black Swan and getting freaked out and introspective (that movie is like a bad yet fulfilling drug trip), I checked my phone and sure enough there was text from Bachelor #3 telling me where to meet him.
This bar was so weird and kinda gross. I got there and couldn't see a thing in the darkness of this place. I had a seat at the bar, order a drink, and I waited, and waited. I waited for him for 20 mins! Nothing could go right! I just wanted to get out alive, but every time I tried #3 had more games and surprises up his sleeve. I wanted just leave at this point but I had come too far. While I waited, I played trivia with the cute host, and I'm pretty sure the guy who kept staring at me across the bar was the same guy who had messaged me earlier that week on my Plenty Of Fish dating site. Weird.
25 mins later his ass shows up holding his mail and his Netflix envelope. He was also on his way to the mail box?! I literally was just a stop along the way.
Bachelor #3 was all over the place, he wasn't as confident and he was just turning me off. That sweet smile from his pictures was nowhere to be found. It was like a creepy grin now. The trivia guy was shouting into the mic, and it was actually impossible to hear anything. We tried to move over to the pool table and chat, so awkward. We tried to play pool, but the table was broken. We eventually relocated back over to the bar amongst the yelling trivia host and the drunken contestants.
The conversation wasn't awkward but I don't think either one of us cared about what the other person was saying. I didn't get why he did certain things, and some his life choices made no sense to me. I could tell he was trying, but I had been done with him yesterday.
Let me just say this, he finally arrived at 9pm and at 9:26 he checked his phone and then informed me that he had to go to a movie at 10pm! Which movie you might ask? Jackass in 3D, obviously. We went on a 26 min date before he dismissed me. He made some excuse about things being so crazy this week because of the holidays. “Aren't you Jewish?” I asked him, yeah you are. Dude, if your college friends are home for the week, then deal with them, don't try to squeeze me into your shitty schedule. Yet he still wanted to walk me the 10 feet to my car and give me a “good game” hug. Was he kidding!? I was just in shock and at this point and mildly amused.
Well that was that, I got in my car and headed home. I got online to check my usual messages and was pleased to find a confirmation from Bachelor #4 regarding our date for the next night. Feeling rejected and annoyed I decided to look on my OK Cupid page and see which guys had visited it today. Guess who visited my page at 8:46pm while I was waiting for him in a shitty bar? Yep Bachelor #3 was skimming my profile before he met me because he obviously forgot everything about me. Wow, like just WOW.
Fortunately I laugh at this now, because how can you not?! I look at it as my karma for treating Bachelor #2 badly. I mean this guy is who he is and he's not for me. I don't necessarily regret meeting him, I need to learn how to deal with guys who aren't so great, I need to learn to see the signs of a scoundrel earlier. Its a part of life. This is why online dating is great, you can just move on after a dud. Needless to say I don't have great expectations of him contacting me again, and his number has already been deleted from my phone.
Just remember ladies, if you even think for a moment that he might be a player; he is and he's been playing you from the introduction. Game-set-match.
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