You Just Have To Believe

Women everywhere these days are struggling; stuck on the seesaw of perspective. We can either choose to be two types of lovers in life. 1) The Samantha/ Miranda types or the Charlotte/ Carrie types. Its obvious I'm a Sex and the City fan and since I'm living the “I'm fabulous w/ no cable to pay for” lifestyle, I end up watching the series on loop in my apartment after work. The women of Sex and the City are like the big sisters I never had. Charlotte is the eternal optimist, believing in Prince Charming and true love. Carrie was somewhat similar; more of girl who was willing to make a relationship work no matter how challenging. Samantha didn't really believe in love, just sex. She was strong, successful and hilarious. And lastly Miranda; the cynical, smart and realistic red head. I longed to be a Miranda type, I still do.

At this day and age (22 in 2010) I find that not only myself but most of my single girlfriends are struggling with what kind of out look to have on relationships. We've seen and heard it all. Mostly due to undergrad soap opera/jersey shore style pair ups with boys, shaping who we are up to this point. Yet we still want to be hopeful that we wont spend our 20s alone; faced with the questions and subtle (maybe self created) judgments of our families who want to know whats going on in our love lives, when to expect a wedding or a baby. Also when confronted with the Facebook images of those lucky or perhaps foolish friends who are getting married at age 23 to their college or high school sweethearts. See the thing is I don't want to get marries until I'm 30 and don't plan on being a mother until 35 (I've warned both my parents that they have a while to wait for any of that kind of news). I don't care what anyone thinks, but does that mean I'm not deserving of (or rather shouldn't go looking for) a good relationship in the mean time?

This is where the challenge lies. The fierce and fabulous go getting twenty-something girl often puts on the strong front of a Miranda and Samantha. Struggling to let go of the four years of programmed shitty college guys and shitty sex and desperate to emerge into a single and fabulous working woman state of mind. We're out there in our apartments with our twenty-something roommates, working at our jobs with a closet of Anthropologie style appropriate work clothes. We are out there thinking that we can go out to bars casually date and casually have sex but always displaying “I love me more” on our chests.

Then we realize that the pickings are in fact slim and we start to fantasize about the perfect guy because there are so many imperfect ones (no offense guys). Then comes the online dating (another blog entry).But could you really imagine going five or six years just being disconnected, cynical and free to be me without the wonderfulness and heartache of a 20 something love? That's when we turn to our inner Charlotte or Carrie and keep trying, hoping, and daydreaming because what else can you do? Even Taylor Swift will sing “Its a love story baby just say yes” followed by “There is nothing I do better than revenge”. Christ!!!! Even Miranda and Samantha fall in love too. I guess we cant necessarily choose what kind of character we want to feel, even though sometimes we wish we could.

So what is the point of this blog entry? Not sure, just thinking aloud I guess. What actually sparked it all was this morning at the gym. I go to an all female gym filled with every kind of woman; young , old, religious, bitchy, gracious, mother, wife, single, recently divorced etc. Due to all of these diversities we have a large sum of flat screens that display a variety of programming on them. Every woman watches something different in the morning, enjoying their hour of “me time” before conquering the day. But this morning our focus was on the same television screen because this particular morning the royal of family announced the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Every woman in the gym; every cynical, hopeless romantic, jaded, or realist woman was glued to that particular television with wide eyes. There is something about a princess that makes a girl who rejects the ideas of conformity believe in it. Something has to be said for Kate Middleton as well, 28 successful and and her own person, and still a princess. A girl who seems so modern and fabulous was able to snag a Prince Charming along the way as well. So maybe you can have it all, and you don't have to be cynical to do it,and you don't have to push traditional ideals away to do it. You just have to be. Taylor Swift may have some crazy bitter breakup songs, but she has a hell of a lot more love songs, because we never lose hope. Even though we put our hands up to “Single Ladies” every time and apathy sometimes heals old wounds temporarily. The truth is the Liz Lemons of the world just want that fuzzy feeling, the butterflies and the daydreams just like the Charlotte's do.