Here's to you Mr. Robinson

Standards, rules, restrictions, guidelines, whatever you want to call them in terms of dating I have them. A brief summary of mine: No taller than 5'9”, dark hair, scruff, preferably Israeli or some Euro-Asian bi racial ethnicity, thick body, Bachelor's degree at least, confident and most importantly, FUNNY! If Conan O'Brien or Seth Rogen or Aziz Ansari were single then I would have to look no more, but sadly they are all married I think.

These are my standards, and while I've gone on dates with guys who fail to fulfill all of these requirements I like to keep this list handy. I also have age limitations; it used to be 22-25, but now I have moved it around to 23-26. Don't ask me why but this seems like a good age range. I do get the occasional message from men in their 30s and 40s. Their approach is usually the same, as the 20 year olds. Its kind of awkward when an older man makes his moves on you. One part of you gets creeped out instantly, the other part of you is kind of disgusted and annoyed (How dare he!), and another part of you feels bad for the man.

I'm sorry but I'm not into the whole young concubine thing. I don't find a man who is over 8 years older than me a turn on. There is nothing I want to talk to a 30 year old man about, we are in different places sir. I'm not about to cater to some old man, I'm gonna run my ass around like an immature youngin' and not worry about an oldie trailing behind. Maybe when I'm older I'll feel differently but, I'm not even in my mid twenties yet. I still read Perez Hilton and wear glitter nail polish, I would have nothing to talk about with my older man who is actually established and reads the New York Times.

The other night I received a message from this man named Bill, saying something like “we should chat sometime” I always try to give the messengers the benefit of the doubt and read their profile, view pics, and so on. Well Bill looked old, BUT he was also a doctor...hmmm maybe I could work with this. I checked his exact age: 42...OK NO. Sorry Bill but what are we going to have in common with a 20 year age difference. You saved children in Africa and I cant even save my whole paycheck. So like 75% of my messages I deleted him from my inbox. I feel bad for the older men who message us young concubines. It's worse rejecting an older man. Young horny twenty something boys bounce back from rejection and move on to their next prey.

Well maybe I shouldn't feel so bad for these silver foxes considering there are plenty of hot 30 and 40 year old women all over the place, their asses should be on Match.Com rather than Plenty of Fish.

Thinking that Bill was in the past I logged off the site and started to study for my LSAT. Then I got the notification. “One More Thing”; it was from Bill in my dating inbox. Oh boy. I always hate when men don't respond well to me ignoring them and feel the needs to contact me again. I always think they are going to curse me out or insult me or something. I hesitantly opened the message.

Whit, I know I'm older, but your profile is every
thinking man's dream. Your smart, nice,
involved and damn pretty, I bet that smile has
lit many a room!
We are both interested in the same things...
So consider coffee or a drink just to have a
very interesting evening... Bill

Oh Bill! You old flatterer! He brought out the big guns. Was I temped to be his young concubine? Sure I was, but I am 100% certain we would have nothing in common, and I didn't want to see his naked 42 year old body, sorry Sir. I don't even think I could take our relationship seriously. Having a sugar daddy could be fun, but I mean while he is talking about his stocks I would be babbling about what I just read in COSMO, not cute. Bill couldn't really hang out with my friends, we like to party and be active, and I don't think Bill would have enjoyed that. Or maybe he would, maybe he is like the Hugh Hefner of Rochester. Knowing me and my programming for true love, I couldn't have faked it with Bill, even if he did shower me with his doctor money. Those Playboy bunnies don't get enough credit, they work hard to stay in the Bunny House.

What I did appreciate about Bill was his kindness. In a sea of jerks its refreshing to have received some polite words from a man just looking for a companion. Older men know how to swoon that's for sure. They used to be like the young whippersnappers that harass me daily; just trying to get in my pants, but now they've learned. Even though I denied Bill I will honor him by imagining what it would have been like with him as my sugar daddy, as we cruised the streets of Rochester. I know Bill will make someone very happy someday. I'm just not that girl...not yet a woman.