Don't Stop Til You Get Enough

Something has been puzzling me for quite sometime. Its the guys who continue to message me even after I ignore them. I cant decide if they are either desperate or trying to tire me out. Their messages often change as well. The patterns are always different depending on the guy.

Aggressive, to sly, to perverted, to attempting to reel you in with sweetness. Any of these combinations. Men will continue to message me even after I have ignored them time and time again! Why is this? Maybe they like the chase? Maybe some of them just want a response back?

I have had experiences with guys who reply back begging me for a conversations and some guys  demanding to know why I didn't respond. Then there are the other ones, who just like to send me a daily greeting. I'm beginning to feel defeated by online dating. All of the guys that I think are going to be great...well aren't and I seem to be hitting a roadblock, and just not  caring. I'm almost ready to give up and let Mr. Right Now find me, let him do some damn work. My new found apathy and depressed philosophy has led me down the road of “sure, why not”. Why not say yes to the weirdos, maybe they will at least enlighten me or amuse me or lead me towards the dating holy grail. So instead of just ignoring the persistent men who love to throw me a daily one-liner, I've decided to challenge them. I tell them to meet me for coffee, wish granted. You want it so bad, then you got it and you better prove yourself then.  Snap Snap!

Fleeting Thought #6

Men are the weirdest people ever and since I'm not meeting Mr. Right Now at all (I'm not even close); I might as well talk to as many guys as I can. I want to learn more about what goes on inside their heads. I don't understand men, it is true that they are just as complex as women. I miss my college days when I could just ask my guy friends for advice and they would give me a crude yet real answer about their gender. In this new city I'm so lost. The men I have met are just NOT IT. None of them know how to be fun or make me laugh or enjoy spending time with them. I feel like the men I meet are so hung up on themselves they cant be real. Everyone is so uptight and worried about too many things, most of them shallow worries. I have no idea how to read the opposite sex, so therefor I've decided to just drown myself into them. I want to ask around, get answers from men about my plaguing questions, and do research on them. They are a specimen and I need to get better acquainted with. Since I am convinced my right guy doesn't exist in Rochester, there is no pressure any more. Sure I'll keep staying on the dating sites, but I'm more interested in meeting men as individuals, and finding out why they do the things that they do. I can actually breathe a sigh of relief now, because I'm on a different mission.

I'm Sorry "......."

So they way I treated Bachelor #1 has been weighing on my conscious for a while. I know what its like to be ignored and I feel very bad for never giving that nice boy an explanation. So about 2 weeks ago I decided to woman up and apologize to him.

"Hey,

I'm really sorry for not getting back to you. It was not a good week, I had to tell a guy that I was dating that I wanted to end things, and I didn't feel right getting together with you again while that was going on. Unfortunately I don't think I'm into dating right now. The site is overwhelming and I think I just have been on too many dates. Although I wanted to let you know that I had a great time meeting you and I would love to hang out as friends, if that is something you're into. If not I totally understand. Anyway please accept my apology for not responding to you on time like an adult should.

I hope you had a great holiday, and New Years.

Take Care,

Whit "

His response was to be expected. Something like “That's cool I get it, thanks”.  A few days later he canceled his account on the site. Even though it didn't work out. I wish we could have been friends. This apology may have seemed pointless, but it gave me a clear conscious. Although being passive aggressive is my specialty I'm learning that that way of life will get you no where, and sometimes you just need to step it up. Still to this day I have no idea what his name is, I guess it doesnt matter.

Guess Who's Back

Hey y'all. After a long hiatus (aka a fabulous vacation in Disney) I've returned. I have a new outlook on dating which I will share with you all later. I have lots of blogs to post so no worries and a few dates lined up too. Its good to be back, I've missed you all so much!

Here's to you Mr. Robinson

Standards, rules, restrictions, guidelines, whatever you want to call them in terms of dating I have them. A brief summary of mine: No taller than 5'9”, dark hair, scruff, preferably Israeli or some Euro-Asian bi racial ethnicity, thick body, Bachelor's degree at least, confident and most importantly, FUNNY! If Conan O'Brien or Seth Rogen or Aziz Ansari were single then I would have to look no more, but sadly they are all married I think.

These are my standards, and while I've gone on dates with guys who fail to fulfill all of these requirements I like to keep this list handy. I also have age limitations; it used to be 22-25, but now I have moved it around to 23-26. Don't ask me why but this seems like a good age range. I do get the occasional message from men in their 30s and 40s. Their approach is usually the same, as the 20 year olds. Its kind of awkward when an older man makes his moves on you. One part of you gets creeped out instantly, the other part of you is kind of disgusted and annoyed (How dare he!), and another part of you feels bad for the man.

I'm sorry but I'm not into the whole young concubine thing. I don't find a man who is over 8 years older than me a turn on. There is nothing I want to talk to a 30 year old man about, we are in different places sir. I'm not about to cater to some old man, I'm gonna run my ass around like an immature youngin' and not worry about an oldie trailing behind. Maybe when I'm older I'll feel differently but, I'm not even in my mid twenties yet. I still read Perez Hilton and wear glitter nail polish, I would have nothing to talk about with my older man who is actually established and reads the New York Times.

The other night I received a message from this man named Bill, saying something like “we should chat sometime” I always try to give the messengers the benefit of the doubt and read their profile, view pics, and so on. Well Bill looked old, BUT he was also a doctor...hmmm maybe I could work with this. I checked his exact age: 42...OK NO. Sorry Bill but what are we going to have in common with a 20 year age difference. You saved children in Africa and I cant even save my whole paycheck. So like 75% of my messages I deleted him from my inbox. I feel bad for the older men who message us young concubines. It's worse rejecting an older man. Young horny twenty something boys bounce back from rejection and move on to their next prey.

Well maybe I shouldn't feel so bad for these silver foxes considering there are plenty of hot 30 and 40 year old women all over the place, their asses should be on Match.Com rather than Plenty of Fish.

Thinking that Bill was in the past I logged off the site and started to study for my LSAT. Then I got the notification. “One More Thing”; it was from Bill in my dating inbox. Oh boy. I always hate when men don't respond well to me ignoring them and feel the needs to contact me again. I always think they are going to curse me out or insult me or something. I hesitantly opened the message.

Whit, I know I'm older, but your profile is every
thinking man's dream. Your smart, nice,
involved and damn pretty, I bet that smile has
lit many a room!
We are both interested in the same things...
So consider coffee or a drink just to have a
very interesting evening... Bill

Oh Bill! You old flatterer! He brought out the big guns. Was I temped to be his young concubine? Sure I was, but I am 100% certain we would have nothing in common, and I didn't want to see his naked 42 year old body, sorry Sir. I don't even think I could take our relationship seriously. Having a sugar daddy could be fun, but I mean while he is talking about his stocks I would be babbling about what I just read in COSMO, not cute. Bill couldn't really hang out with my friends, we like to party and be active, and I don't think Bill would have enjoyed that. Or maybe he would, maybe he is like the Hugh Hefner of Rochester. Knowing me and my programming for true love, I couldn't have faked it with Bill, even if he did shower me with his doctor money. Those Playboy bunnies don't get enough credit, they work hard to stay in the Bunny House.

What I did appreciate about Bill was his kindness. In a sea of jerks its refreshing to have received some polite words from a man just looking for a companion. Older men know how to swoon that's for sure. They used to be like the young whippersnappers that harass me daily; just trying to get in my pants, but now they've learned. Even though I denied Bill I will honor him by imagining what it would have been like with him as my sugar daddy, as we cruised the streets of Rochester. I know Bill will make someone very happy someday. I'm just not that girl...not yet a woman.

Fleeting Thought #5

Over 50 men have messaged me on Plenty Of Fish since joining about a month ago. Its nice that the website keeps track of it for you, and kind of depressing. Of those 50-plus men I have responded to about 10 of them, if that. I have been on a date with one. 15 have asked me for sex upfront or some form of porno style activity. I have been asked about my breast size only once, by a young college boy.
 In their initial first message to me about 40 decided to compliment me on my "nice body" or smile as the ice breaker.  Approx 10 have messaged me again after I ignored their initial message. I would say 5 men turned out to be jerks after reeling me in with their nice pick up lines and timely responses back in our message  feed, but then started to show their true colors. 10 out of the the 50 were over the age of 30. 6 or so have given me their numbers upfront. Lastly about 15 men have messaged me in a polite and confident way. Ladies this just goes to show; just because men find you attractive that in no way means a) you will find them attractive b)  they will speak to you with respect c) they are even first date material. Until I find one that fits all of these requirements I will soldier on!

What I've learned in 2 months The Online dating Do's and Dont's

1) Don't get too excited about the guys who give you too many compliments, in their first message to you. You will expect them to do it every time and they wont. They just wanna reel you in for the first initial contact

2) Don't answer guys who tell you they decided to message you because they are “bored at work”, you are not their entertainment

3) Don't get too excited about guys who you think are perfect for you or your "type"...they aren't and they probably aren't interested

4) Do let guys know you're not interested, you will have a clearer conscious and he will feel better too in the long run

5) Don't feel obligated to go on a second date, you're wasting your time and theirs. Greener pastures baby!

6) Do pay attention to his body language and how he carries himself on your dates, he should be   focused on you, not the girl behind you or the piano player (ahem Bachelor #4)

7) Do state what you are looking for upfront (ex: relationship, casual dating, casual and convenient sex)

8) Don't check the site everyday, even if you get a ton of messages. If you check everyday,  eventually one day you'll log in to no messages and have a shallow breakdown alone in your room

9) Do take everything with a grain of salt , delusion and humor!

10) Don't just have a messaging relationship, get the coffee date within the first few exchanges or move one to the next potential guy

11) Don't let him give you his number, he should ask for yours

12) Do read his profile carefully, you should know what he is looking for as well. If he says he is looking for a relationship but isn't messaging you regularly and eventually asking you, he isn't looking to be in a relationship with YOU (365 Days of Summer rule!)

13) Do delete him from your inbox if you see that he is on the site daily but choosing not to participate in your message feed anymore. Don't wait around for his reply, or next set of questions. Delete, delete, delete.

14) Do repsond back to guys that you wouldn't normally be attracted to, those are the funny ones

15) Don't get drawn to the guys who come off as sarcastic in their profiles, sarcastic is a nice way of saying, ass-hole. If they cant even have a good attitude about filling out their profile, they probably aren't going to treat you with a good attitude either. They dont belong on the site.

16) Do realize that this is online dating, not The Notebook

17) Don't take it personally, it most likely has nothing to do with you, we all have our issues and sometimes take it out on other people am I right!?

18) Do realize that you are a catch even if they he doesn't realize it, its his loss

19) Don't try to be a player with the men. Only date as many men as you can handle, or you will get overwhelmed and perhaps not get to know the guys as carefully. They are fragile flowers too.

20) Don't become obsessed, or measure your self worth according to the website.There is so much more to who you are than your online dating profile.

21) Do realize that all is fair in online love and war

22) Get it girl! <3

I’m A Big Girl Now?

Since this blog started I’ve been reminding you all constantly about the “He’s Just Not That Into You” rules. I live by them. I worship them. After reading that book, everything changed in my life. The way I viewed men shifted and I became smarter (I think) and more confident in general.

The rules are simple; let the guys come to you. If a guy wants to ask you out, or call you, or treat you well. He will. If a guy isn’t interested in you he will do things that show you he isn’t interested. For example, not talking to you. “No answer is your answer”, and my favorite philosophy; “Don’t waste the pretty”. Sounds so simple right?

While I end up following the rules 85% of the time, it’s hard to be perfect, because even though we must look at ourselves as “The Rule”, sometimes you just want to be “The Exception”. I’ve been messaging guys a little bit on my own; some have been successful and some not. A majority of the men respond, and we chat or whatever, but it is revealed after a few days that they are kind of dicks, or rather, not dicks, but just not that into me.

The guys that I want to be dating will date me, case in point this message from a guy that I just received; “I won't waste your eyes on needles rambling. Coffee is what I want, just tell me when and where you'd like to share it, along with some memorable conversation.---Evan”. Straight forward, and in it for the pursuit.

The guys I pursue will not necessarily be the ones that want to treat me right. (Aka Bachelor #3) Some guys don't even respond back to my messages, Ouch! Its part of the game I guess. Just like how I ignore messages from guys dail; they have the ability to do the same for me. I’M THE RULE. The thing is though, I have friend who is in fact The Exception. Yes people they do exist! Even though I may be The Rule, I don’t think I should have to wait for males to make a move all of the time.

I keep hearing form my guy friends and reading in magazines that men are nervous too and sometimes they wish a girl would make the first move. So why don't I just try it. Its not like I’m picturing us being soulmates, its more like “Hey you’re cute and your profile is fun lets hang out”. If I’m going to have my Top 20 Countdown be a success then I cant just sit around and wait for all the right guys to show themselves. I need to mix and mingle with the bad one’s too! How else will I know what I want?

Here’s my plan. I’m going to keep track of every guy who's messages I respond to. I will observe how long we message until he asks me out and I’ll take note of how many dates he lasts. I will have another list of the guys I message myself; the guys that I pursue and set my sites on. I'll also keep track of whether we date or not and whether he was the one to in fact ask me out or not, then I will compare the lists and analyze the success rates of both. .

This is going to be challenging to say the least. Not only in terms of keeping track of data but also personally. I’m encouraging myself to go on dates with guys in the traditional way, which is a mind-fuck in itself, but I’m also forcing myself to put it out there. Putting yourself out there is hard, and although “The Rules” state that guys love the chase, being the hunter its not as fun as it sounds. On the other hand this can only help me as a person I believe, facing rejection and also choosing to continue the mission. Little Ms. Passive/Wants to be Liked is about to get an education.

I’m not sure what sparked this new project. I think it had something to do with the handful of hot lawyers that I occasionally work with . They are constantly being hammered by their bosses/ judges (“That’s what he said!”) and they look like frazzled hot messes. It’s so hot, and oh so frazzled. There are two in particular that turn me into a 7^th grader every time I see them.

One is a scruffy blonde dude who is a Public Defender (hot) and just always looks like an unorganized, yet confident rag -a-muffin. We met my first week at work. The first few times I had to address a judge in court I was extremely nervous and Scruffy McScruffies was just the nicest to me. Comforting smiles, pats on the back, just delightful (basically he was treating me like a little sister...hmm). Yet every time I see him I get jello legs, and I always wonder what he is like outside of the courtroom. I desperately want to find out, and how else will I know if I don’t just ask him out. There are a few things that could happen to me if I do. 1) He’ll say no (which will result in me being crushed for a few hours and listening to my Ingrid Michaelson Pandora station and eating chocolate) 2) He’s already taken (damn) 3) He’ll say yes. If he says yes then….great more dating adventures to be had.

The second legal prospect is this THICK football player looking lawyer, who has a very calm presence and dark hair. He is an Assistant District Attorney, who always seems to have his shit together, very calm cool and collected. We'll call him Coolie McCoolio. He fills out his suits so nicely and I'm lovin on him. While I was on my way to remove Bachelor #2 from my play list, I spotted Mr. Cool walking down the street with his iPOD, a bag of groceries and beer. He looked so different in street clothes, cuter even. In the romantic comedy that is the tragedy of my life, my character would interpret that my spotting of him was a sign. It means several things 1) He lives in my neighborhood 2) He drinks (yes!) and 3) We should be together????? (In reality I know that's not what that means but just go along with it).

So How do I plan on executing my lawyer double team? I have to plan this strategically and carefully. I need to get to know these men, feel them out. Most importantly test their humor. Perhaps one or two days out of the week I will put on my hottest "Joan" inspired outfit and wander on down to their court rooms, or even perhaps. GASP: Visit The Lawyers Den. Its this room where they all go, to take breaks. I've never been to The Lawyers Den, but I so desperately want to go. I want to see how they act when the spotlight isn't on them, and all those me in suits grrrr. I have to find a way to get into The Lawyers Den that doesn't look completely sketchy. This project is going to take some time to pull off.

In addition to the lawyer hunting game, my brilliant friend Laura has decided to to try one new thing a week as a new years resolution, and I decided that while we are trying these new things, we might as well, try to meet guys as well right? So it is our goal to introduce ourselves more to the opposite sex while we are trying these new things. Overall I'm pretty excited about my new rule breaking philosophy. Secretly I don't believe that breaking the rules will conquer over following them, but if you don't experiment then how will you know? I'll let you know soon!

Fleeting thought #4

I have this new phrase that I use for when I start liking a guy. Lets keep in mind that 99% if the time I end up liking the wrong guys. This new phrase helps me to remember that these feelings are just weird chemicals in my brain and that I may be getting ahead of myself. When it starts to happen I stop and tell myself; “Girl, he is gonna turn you into Taylor Swift”.

Taylor Swift sings about every moment of a relationship in her albums and she does so with no shame. Giddy and full of love and hope, then cursing his name and letting us know all his business. As you listen to her albums you cant help but think “Damn, that girl has dealt with a lot of jerks”. My girl Tay Sweezey has had a number of relationships (Joe Jonas, Taylor Lauhtner, John Mayer), none of them ending well. Yet in the beginning of each album we start off with something about “its a love story” and “you belong with me” and you're “mine”, then we get to the middle of the album and its all, “tell me why”, its “too late for your white horse”, "the girl in the dress cried the whole way home" and my personal favorite “sit in the corner and think about what you did”. By track 11 or 12 we are hopeful again and perhaps “fearless”. Tay Tay continues to believe in love; she has an undying spirit and she lets herself fall again and again.

That's why when I feel myself start warm up to the idea of falling for a guy and I starting fantasizing about this and that; I stop and ask myself if I really wanna go down the Taylor Swift road. I mean its a good road to experience, everyone should take the plunge, but once you head down Swifty Lane there is no turning back, and then you're just left consulting the Taylor Swift lyric libraries for answers and understanding. Today I read that Princess Tay and Jake Gyllenhal ended their like 3 month relationship. And another one bites the dust. This us a win-win for me! 1) I get to know all of their relationship business set to music in her next album. Its like JAKE! The Musical! 2) I get my fantasy personal assistant back!

I Found You Ms. New Booty (Call)

A few nights ago I got an online proposition. This one was different than all the others. It wasn't just “Wanna hook up?” or “Marry Me baby!”. This one was Pretty Woman style and it threw me for a loop. Before we get to the proposition let me just say something about my online dating experience. There is a vast difference between my two dating sites (I got rid of the third one, it was the bastard child). OK Cupid is disguised as a site for love and self esteem. Cupid is designed to cater to your apprehensive and insecure self. OK Cupid says “Hey twenty-something, we know its so hard being you, dateless and needing to cuddle with someone. Mommy will fix everything, not to worry, you're so pretty!”. The site constantly has new matches for you, it encourages you to put yourself out there and always promising you that you will find a decent person to date by Valentines Day, or before you jump off a bridge.

The problem is, even though the site is working its ass off that doesn't stop the guys from being ASSES themselves. There aren't enough pretty pink messages and “Winks” from men you are into you to prevent you from getting the brush off or stood up, or led on. While I appreciate what the site is trying to do, I've grown to resent it. The men seem like dream guys, but they are babies and also afraid of rejection. Maybe in reality everyone on OK Cupid is just too cocky for their own good. I'll admit it, I thought I was hotter than Kim Kardashian and Beyonce's love child when I first joined, then shit started to get real.

This is why Plenty Of Fish is on my favorite things list , (yes I will be releasing a list of my favorite things as a post soon!). When I first started using Plenty Of Fish I was on it just as a back up. It was my mistress, but Cyber Slut needed to make sure she was getting to experience all the hot guys. So I started to think about my options on other sites. Like a mistress, I was embarrassed of Plenty Of Fish, I didn't want to be seen with it, for fear of what my OK Cupid friends would say. It wasn't until I learned that Bachelor #2 was on both sites as well, that I felt OK with it. Even the look of the site is different. It doesn't waste time with colors or hearts or all that shit. Just like someone you're cheating with, the site is not as polished and you know that you could do better. In actuality though after being on the site for about a month I realized that it is amazing for a few reasons. 1) Its honest, it doesn't cater to your needs. Its a site for connections. People meeting people, you have to do the work. There are no daily e-mails sending you potential dating options or messages telling you how special you are 2) I receive about 10 messages a day. If that's not a superficial ego boost I don't know what is. Its every kind of man too! 40 year olds to 19 year olds I find it fascinating. 3) The men are hotter....hands down and there are more of them 4) The men are awesome. Awesome in the sense that they don't pretend to be something they're not. Men on the site let you know what they want up front. Which I can respect, if you're not into their offer then you don't answer. You have to learn to be flattered by the creeper but ignore him and make smart decisions.

Speaking of offers; this one offer or request rather I received the other night I couldn't just delete right away. I was stunned at this boy's approach and was slightly intrigued. While checking my messages as per usual my nightly ritual, I stumbled upon a message from a red headed, scrawny man 19 years of age! The message said something along the lines of. “Hey I leave for the army in 2 weeks and I'm looking for some fun. I would really like to remember my last 2 weeks as eventful rather than boring here's my number”. I was speechless! I mean first of all what about me screams escort? Boobs don't mean escort y'all! Also he was sooooo not my type, he was 5 years too young and although I LOVE redheads (I will marry Rupert Grint) he was just all wrong.

So why did it take me so long to delete his message. I mean it was pretty offensive in the sense that I wasn't looking for what he was offering and I didn't think that I presented myself in that manner, but I had to respect this guy. Why you might ask, because he put it out there. That takes balls, or it takes something. I would never be brave enough to message a hottie for a good time, and he did! Usually guys will just leave me their numbers, emails or PIN numbers on the site but never follow it up with a hooker hook-line!

I would have considered the proposition expect for the fact that 1) I could have been murdered by his crazy ass 2) I can't even have meaningless kissing sessions, much less meaning less sex 3) The only booty calls I've ever been involved in have usually resulted with me locking a guy in my room and me being wasted....yeah not good. Inside I wanted to go so badly, partially because I would get a good story out of it. After a day or so I finally deleted it from my inbox, but I want to give snaps to red-headed pimp for his confidence.

Let this be a lesson for us all; confidence will get you almost anything you want, even an amateur escort for a night out in Rochester. I should go though, there is this doctor who is in town for the week and wants me to give him info about all the hot spots in Rochester (I'm not even kidding). I refuse to be an escort, but tour guide...hmmmm maybe!

Fleeting Thought #3

I've decided to start calling that time of the month “Shark Week”. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been doing this for a few months now but I thought I would share it with you all. “Shark Week” just sounds so much more bad-ass than the typical names. I swear if I hear “Flo” one more time I'll strangle myself with a tampon. Everyone loves “Shark Week”  on the Discovery Channel during the summer. Shark Week its dangerous and bloody and scary;  just like most women once a month for a week (I know its not blood, ok but w.e).  Lastly, we all know the age old rule, about going in the water during the special time when we get our monthly gift right? Stay out of the sea or your ass is bait!

Let All Acquaintances Please Forget

All I'm going to say about our New Years experience last night is this; it was a lost episode of The Bad Girls Club. I regret nothing.