Tell Me What I Think I Want To Hear

What pisses me off the most about having female friends is that we lie. LIE,LIE, LIE. We try to be a good friend by acting like a shitty friend who is intent on sabotage. Here is the classic example: We have all allowed a female friend to continue to waste her time over a guy who is clearly THE WRONG GUY. We say things like "go girl" or "call him" or "let's analyze his behavior". NO. This is very bad.

What we should be saying is "Don't waste your time. He isn't into you and you should find someone who is." Instead we entertain our friend's fantasies. Whether those are fantasies about their perfect mate, the perfect outfit or the perfect life plan.

We don't want to be "bitches" to people we care about so we lie. God forbid we give ourselves the self inflicted BITCH title. We also use the “people are in charge of their own lives” card as a defense for when shit goes awry. We never stop to think that being the enabler actually makes us the bitches we fear.

Sugar coating is just another way of delaying the inevitable. Contrary to popular belief, the "inevitable" is something better on the other side. Getting over, having new goals, appreciating what you are worth instead of trying to fit the mold. Honestly and frankness don't make you a bad friend, as long as you have the best interest of the friend in mind.

I'm guilty of it too and I don't just do this with my girlfriends. I do this with the majority of the people in my life. I even tell my guy friends what they want to hear, because I can't bear to be the one to tell them something hurtful. They ask me advice about the women in their life with those hopeful eyes and eager expectations and what am I supposed to do? Tell them “she sucks, move on”. NO!

This character trait of mine has been haunting me lately. I may have led a guy friend of mine into a dangerous relationship with some girl who doesn't even deserve him and who is CRAZY! (Sorry, don't hate me! You know who you are. I'm saying this now, and I know you will read this blog. I'm sure you'll be very happy together. Don't hate me). You help assist this person with their delicate emotional pursuits, even though the voice in the back of your mind is saying “Um, really are we sure this is a good idea?!?!?”. You do this because you thought that was what he wanted to hear (foolish). You just want to be supportive! Or have your really ruined their lives?!

It's great to be impulsive and fancy free, doing what the heart wants. Those situations where you listen to your inner voice and just, GO! That's not what I'm talking about. When we ask friends for advice we are calculating, not living in the moment. There is nothing impulsive about it. We are asking people we trust for help. Even though hearing what we want to hear, makes us feel better (and more deluded) it sets us up to fail.

Don't tell people what they want to hear. Many of us live by and act on the advice we get from others (not because we don't have a brain of our own but because we are out of ideas!). We have no idea how powerful our words are. Maybe that's the trick. When you run out of ideas- I mean when you are really at a loss and confused; just give up. Is that better than listening to the sympathetic condolences of friends?

This is why male “real talk” is the best. Well, let me back up. When comparing the successful advice I have received from my male friends and my female friends, my male friends were more frank, and it helped me a great deal. I still remember what they had to say and remind myself of their comments when I'm about to do something stupid. My guy friends say what is real while still making me feel good about myself.

I have this friend Seth who I ADORE! (Hey Seth you are finally in a blog post!) I adore him for many reasons. I appreciate him greatly from one big reason. His honesty. I tell Seth all of my life woes and he always breaks it down. Every guy who was a dick, or emotionally unavailable that I lusted after, he told me "Whitney, No!". Even when I try to convince him that he is wrong about this one. I plead with him to listen to the details of the story and again and see that this new crush really is a good guy! He still says “No Whit”. Do I listen, what do you think?

In the end after every sobbing session on the phone with him I always ended up thinking "You were right.". Come to think of it, all of my friends to live in the NYC/Long Island areas are more honest than any other group of friends I've had. (Thank god I'm moving there, so they can help me navigate my way through a whole new batch of mistakes). Honesty is refreshing and re-establishes to me that my friends have my best interest at heart.

Nowadays when I talk with my girlfriends about guys, I rarely take what they say to heart. I keep the nuggets of information and try to search for the truth within the white lies. It's not that I don't appreciate the advice they give me, but I know enough to take it with a grain of salt. The old saying should really be “If you don't have anything honest to say, don't say anything at all”. Little white lies that you believe are nice sugar coated suggestions or pieces of advice, are really just misleading bullshit. So I'll make a deal with all of you. I'll try to be more honest, if you do.

Just Do It

Two horoscopes that I trust with my life, are telling me to cause trouble and act impulsively. "The Scopes" are even hinting that I might enjoy the consequences of my mischief.

1) "Your heart may be somewhere, with your mind wandering elsewhere — and as you proceed ahead, all you want to do is bad. Crazy consequences are around every corner, so tread lightly.”

2) “I foresee a version of this scenario playing out in your immediate future, Cancerian. Mischief could lead to opportunity. Blessings might evolve out of shenanigans. Bending the rules may bring rewards.”

Hmmm. Usually more reckless than risky, I find myself tempted to take the astrologers up on their suggestion. Since they are both weekly horoscopes I will allow myself one week of bad behavior. Maybe even more than a week, we'll see. So what should I do?

1. One night stand
2. Karaoke

3. Confess true love (this isn't really do-able task, but it sounds risky)
4. Finally get my tattoo
5. Ask one of the lawyers at work for their phone number
6. Quit my boring second job at the clothing store and use my weekends for a fun vacation
7. Move to NYC 2 months early

Oh my so many possibilities! Hah! What do you suggest I do? The reason why we don't take enough risks is because we are afraid of the outcome. However, I have 2 very reliable sources telling me that it will be fine. OK, well one horoscope told me it would be fine and the other scope told me it could get crazy and beware...so it sounds like its fine. Right?

I have less than a month and a half left in this town, and I want-no NEED to go out with a BANG! I'm leaning towards either one night stand or tattoo. I'll keep you posted.

PDA = Public Display of Avoidance

I saw the saddest thing the other night. I was at my favorite place EVER (Salena's Mexican Restaurant) with my favorite person (BFF Katie) and while we were shoving Mexican food in our mouths and catching up on life, Katie saw something that left her speechless yet amused. Let me preface the story.

We all couple watch, and we all judge those couples. Or rather we "rate" those couples. Whether or not they are "cute", or "annoying" (annoying usually means they are affectionate and it pisses us off), or "look like they are about to break up". Katie's eyes were glued to the couple in front of us. A tall, good looking blond pair. They both easily couple have been Ralph Lauren models (figures). Lets give them the names “Girlfriend” and “Boyfriend”. The couple turned their backs to us and that was when you could fully witness the tragedy that was their body language.

Girlfriend kept putting her arm around Boyfriend and the whole time his hand stayed in his pocket. The other hand was providing support against a fence as he continued to lean AWAY from Girlfriend. Clearly all Girlfriend wanted was for Boyfriend to reciprocate her affection for him, but he kept refusing. Making her look (from an outsiders perspective) like a desperate clingy girl hanging on to a boy who couldn't give a shit. This production went on for about 30 mins.

Let me list the moves Girlfriend tried on her man. Also allow me to reiterate that Boyfriend's hand stayed  the fence and in his pocket and his body always leaned away from her, NEVER into her.

Girlfriends Bag of Tricks

1) Butt Squeeze

2) Arm Wrap Around the Waist(sometimes with The Lean In, sometimes not)

3) Literally put her hand INSIDE his pockets and tried to pull out his hand so he would hold hers

4) Head Rub

5) Cheek Kiss

6) Arm Over Shoulder Move

These maneuvers all happened more than once within the half hour period that we were stalking them. Boyfriend made no effort to reciprocate anything. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. While I'm not into PDA myself, (In my opinion most couple's PDA is often forced as an attempt to prove to people you are really happy and you just end up in fact looking insure to the people you are trying to impress).  I DO feel thatour male lead in this story could have put his arm around Girlfriend. What made it even more depressing as that our star couple was on a double date with another couple who was completely in sync. Not touchy feel-y, just comfortable with one another. I feel like our heroine Girlfriend just wanted to to feel wanted by our foe Boyfriend especially as a result of having to stare at the oh-so-perfect couple they were dining with.   Many couples compete after all. Who is the cutest, who is the most in love, who is the most chill blahhhh blahhhhh. Katie and I started to refer to Boyfriend as "Asshole”, but was he really an asshole? He was definitely a guy who wasn't on the same page as his girlfriend and he didn't seem as if he was into her at all.

And then we saw it. The diamond ring on Girlfriend's left hand. Oh Gurl. Really? So Boyfriend and Girlfriend are getting married. Hmmmm. This added a new level to our observation and discussion.

I'm sure there was a time when Boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off  Girlfriend. Katie and I hypothesized in hushed whispers about why this couple had become “That Couple”. Boyfriend wasn't an asshole but he was in a relationship with someone and putting on a front. This guy was frankly nicer to our waitress than to his own fiance.

How do we get to a point when strangers can see through you and the bullshit? You know it's happening, right? How can you not? Why do people allow themselves to hurt not only themselves but other people involved in affairs of the heart?.

Its like that movie “Something Borrowed”.  My girlfriends and I saw it the other night and everyone had a different opinion. Surprise, Surprise. What pissed me off the most about the movie (besides the fact that the book was better) was the fact that the main male character was cheating on his fiance with his law school true love that got away. He had been pining over this girl for 6 years, yet staying in another relationship! Hey its cool if you realize you made a mistake and picked the wrong girl, but don't continue to stay with your fiance and fuck your dream girl on the side, while at the same time acting like YOU are the one who is the tortured soul .

How do people get to the point of unhappiness but still comply with the mold they put themselves in? Furthermore many of my friends (including myself) were bashing the tortured male character about not having the balls to be in charge of his own life when WE in fact have done the same shit. WE have been the ones to not call a boy back even when he keeps calling because we don't want to “look like a bitch and hurt his feelings”. WE have been the ones who keep dating guys, and sleeping with guys we don't even like or respect, because we ...just....do. WE are the ones who never tell the boys we like, that we like them dammit. WE are the ones who comply to a life of dullness and stifled robotic emotions. We all do it. Every single person has done it. Male, female, everyone. We all know why we do it, or maybe we don't know why. Until we can figure out why, we really shouldn't judge others. That couple in the restaurant shouldn't be a spectacle for me to watch, because to be quite honest I've been there, and I probably will again. It's a long road to figuring out what you really want.

While I felt bad for “Girlfriend” and equally bad for “Boyfriend”. They are just like all of us. There is only a very very small percentage of people who can be truly authentic and live how they want all of the time. Most of us concede with pressure. We feel that pressure and force ourselves into a mold that is not who we are.

Is self inflicted pressure our minds way of protecting us or ruining our lives? This seems to be a behavior most of us exhibit, and the ones who seem to live authentically are the people we envy or maybe even don't understand. The heart and the head fight with each other constantly. I have made of list of what I look for in a guy and I can tell you that the majority of the guys I have been with don't even have a small fraction of what is on the list! Yet, I have dated them. I have cried over them and I have even let them lean away from me at a restaurant while other people sat and judged.

There is no resolution for this problem. Insecurity, fear and the battle between head and heart have been imprinted in our DNA. If there were a cure for these ailments, there would be no love songs, there would be no chick flicks to rant about and life would be a lot less interesting. While I don't want to live an unauthentic life, I can see how easy it is to fall into that trap. The only advice I can give is to make a list of what you want and look at your situation and decide if it matches up.

Or here's a better idea. If your boyfriend or girlfriend refuses to hold your hand, even though they KNOW you want to express your feelings for them in that way. Dump them. Don't let them continue to shun you at a public restaurant. Don't allow yourself to be portrayed as undesirable by someone who doesn't know what they want, or even if they want YOU in their life. Find someone who wants what you want. Someone out there WILL want to hold your hand, from the first date to the engagement party, to the 50^th anniversary. I may not know a lot about relationships, but that is something I am certain about.

Mind Your Manners

I'm a girly girl. I love shopping, I love makeup, I love trying different looks and getting my nails done. I love feeling pretty. Finding a perfect outfit that you know looks amazing and “werkin' yo shit” is the greatest. When you know you look good, your day is so much better, you have a skip in your step and animals follow you around while you sing songs to everyone you encounter.

While I try to look my best everyday, sometimes my beauty regimen can get a little redundant; the same work outfits, and the same hairstyle. Not having enough time to 'va-va-voom” every day. I mean I wake up late most days to be honest. So I decided about once a week I would pull out the big guns. Wednesday is usually my busiest, most stressful day of the week, so at least I can control how good I look. I mean I look good on Wednesday. What they say about confidence is true. When you are confident other people catch on. People can feed off of your vibes, and this has presented a problem for me.

I've come to find that men aren't subtle. On those days when I feel that I look great and I'm walking down the street, I get stared at, I get cat-calls and I get the double takes (This is NOT me trying to be vain, and obnoxious, talking about all my compliments, its really not). This in fact bothers me A LOT. I hate when men undress me with their eyes. Yes I have a curvy body, I like to accent my eyes, and lips, but that in no way means that you are entitled to say disgusting things to me and think you are being cute. Its a free country I get it, but I still have the right to some respect, don't I? What do you expect me to do when you holler at me? What do you expect me to do when you grab my arm?! Seriously, a man -a STRANGER, grabbed my arm the other day while was at work in a poor attempt at trying to flirt with me! Don't touch me sir. Stop looking at my boobs and my ass. Believe it or not I can get insecure. People really think I'm much more confident than I actually am.

Wednesday was supposed to be MY day! My pretty day, the one day of the week, where I step it up. On these days I find myself wanting to go back into the shadows regretting my decision. I understand that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, but at the same time it still bothers me when I am viewed as a slab of meat, or treated in a porn star fashion. STOP IT. The problem also is that I'm very non-confrontational. When faced with disrespectful flirting or a man trying to cop a feel or whatever. I actually just sashay away. I say nothing. Although I may mumble “yeah inappropriate” under my breath as I scurry to safety, that's about it.

The fierceness that I feel inside cannot be expressed outwardly for the world. What should you say when faced with a creepy flirt-er who is messing up your vibes and making you want to cry!? Do you say: “YOU, SIR! Are a PIG! You should be shamed of your self! (slap slap)” wahhhh wahhh yeah OK no. Don't engage them. Walk away. Rule #1 Don't engage the flirt-er, they eat it up. Any more eye contact or conversation can be perceived as interest. NO, walk away. So I do, and then I tweet about it and brush it off. In moments of struggle I like to ask myself “What would Beyonce do?”

There was a time when I was younger and I wanted the compliments, I would dress in the most revealing outfits and just be asking for it. I mean I was 16 and the movie Mean Girls had just come out, soooooo you can see where this was coming from. I didn't care, I wanted to be noticed and if you didn't like my outfit screw you (mom and dad!) and if you did (teenage boys) then look all you want! As I've grown up I've learned to appreciate my body and dress in ways that flatter it, for the most part. While I don't plan on getting a breast reduction or starving myself to have a body like a 10 year old prepubescent girl. I don't think that I should have to just accept verbal exploitation from strangers.

It makes me sad/angry/frustrated that I'd rather be invisible than stand out some days, because I just can't take it. I know, I know poor me blahhh blahhh. I'm sure some of you don't understand why I am ranting about this or are asking yourself “Why is she complaining?”

Oh trust me I had my ugly duckling phase growing up. I just left my ugly duckling phase around age 18. I know what it's like to be ignored and to have no one notice you. To be the “ugly friend”.  Trust me. I've experienced both sides.

I'm not saying I don't go “Hubba Hubba!”over men who I personally find attractive. For example as I was driving home from work the other day, I saw the sexiest-thick shirtless man running in my neighborhood. I mean he had the most beautiful sweaty -muscular back I had ever seen. Like seriously. Did I cat-call him? Did I honk at him? Did I slow the car down? NO. NO. NO. I gasped at his beauty and kept on driving.

Let's make this more general. Why do any of us feel the need to cat call, or flirt aggressively to people WE DON'T KNOW. I understand it can give you a rush, I'm not judging. I have drunkenly cat called at guys a few times in my past and guess what? Those men looked mortified, and just as embarrassed as I get when men do it to me. I think the reason some of us are uncomfortable with abrasive flirtation or disrespectful comments is because it is coming from an aggressive and sexual place. The person doing it may even be joking, but inside you know they are thinking about you in a sexual way. We are sexual beings, all of us are. You can even feel when someone is thinking about you in a sexual way. I know I can spot the glimmer in a man's eye. If I'm NOT into that man, then it makes my stomach churn, however if I AM in fact attracted to that man it makes me go “YESSSSS YESSSSSSSS!!!!”.

The way you flirt is like your first impression, and if you treat me with disrespect I have no interest in you. I use this quote by Maya Angelou a lot “When people show you who they are, believe them”. Its so true. Honestly the sexiest and most effective form of flirting in my opinion is just BEING YOURSELF! Seriously, be yourself. No creepy lines, no bullshit. When you look comfortable in your own skin and feel at ease, that is when you are sure to score.

I'm curious to know what people are thinking when they cat-call people, or act too aggressive in the flirting process? Why do it? Where is the happy place between creeping and sexual harassment? Its a fine line, and many of us have been searching for this happy place for a while. Sigh, I'm at a loss you guys. I feel I need to research this topic further. “The Art of Flirtation”. Let me call some of my male friends and get back to you all.

One Woman Show

A few days ago I saw the touring production of West Side Story. I'm a HUGE Broadway nerd, HUGE and I will see anything, any show....... anything. Since I live 7 hours away from NYC in good old Rochester, and I'm poor, its been a lack luster Broadway season for me. On the other hand I do live one block away from the theater that houses all the Broadway touring performances. In the fall I made a promise to myself that I would see West Side. It never occurred to me that going to see a show alone was such a taboo decision. My friends aren't huge Broadway people, but instead of being excited for me that I was finally seeing the performance they were more concerned, and perhaps horrified that I was seeing the show alone. “You're going by yourself?????!?!!!”.

Um ,Yeah I am.

Here's the deal; Broadway is one of the most special hobbies in my life. It is a religious sermon of music and dance. Why would I not see a show just because I didn't have someone to go with me? First of all you can't talk during a show, its a solo experience, and if you do bring someone you always have to ask what they think about the production or check their face in the dark for reactions. The bottom line is, I worship West Side Story, and I know I'm going to love it, so why do I need somebody else there with me, if I don't feel the need to bring someone. Its 3 hours alone, that's all. 3 hours of musical solitude in which to reflect and connect and feel. Why do I need a partner for that?! (Many people would disagree with me, I know. Some people like to share in the experience of seeing a show, I get it.) I was explaining this to my BFF Katie and she agreed. She also told me that she dinned alone recently. Just her, her food and a book in a nice restaurant. Not many people can do that.

Why cant we do that?!

Why are we so afraid of being alone? Being an only child I can understand. I hate being alone, sometimes I hate living alone, I just want to be around people all of the time. The thing is though alone time is so necessary. So why are we so afraid of it. Why did I get those looks of pity from people who heard that I was going to see a show alone. The instant reaction in my head was “Fuck off! I'm a big girl. I can take my own damn self to a show, love it and be fine with that”. Even if I was in a relationship, or had a friend who wanted to go I don't think I would ask them to come with me.

What bothers me most is that people can't even appreciate the fact that you are doing something alone. There is no celebration or positive acknowledgment for that kind of independence. Whether it is eating alone, seeing a movie alone, or going for a long walk alone. All people can see is that you are 1 person without a plus-1. and 1 is the loneliest number after all. Singles are discriminated against I believe. If you don't have an activity partner, you are pathetic it seems. Maybe this is me just ranting, but you have to admit, people think these things.

Now that our mid twenties are only a couple of years away, many of my friends have started to panic about the rest of their lives. Its time to shack up, time to get the long term live-in boyfriend with the pet and the commitment. It's important to realize though that being alone doesn't mean that you are lonely. It really doesn't. We associate alone with lonely which equals undesired, which means you are ultimately and undesirable candidate for companionship. Why do we do this?

Doing things alone gives me anxiety, and I know there is always a friend I can call if I want to grab coffee or go on a walk, or go shopping, but solitude isn't a prison sentence. In fact for me, its a kind of meditation. The more comfortable we can become being alone with ourselves the easier I believe it is when we in fact to breakup with someone or find ourselves without a partner in this game of life.

Creepin'

Warning: Ladies don't judge me and this blog post, because WE HAVE ALL DONE THIS, leave your pious shit at home, and just accept the fact that we have all creeped.

I'm a creep you guys. I'm an actual creep I know this and accept it. The art of creepin' is established over some years of practice. Some may call it “strategically admiring from a far”, but I've realized that its just being creepy. How creepin' starts, usually begins with a girl laying eyes on a boy who is so attractive that she can't even form words. This boy you end up giving a name to like “Thick Sexy Lawyer Man”, or “Music Store Boy” or “Lettuce Man”. You will lay eyes on this man in the most unexpected place but once you do you cant stop thinking about him. In romantic comedies you would lay eyes on this man and his eyes would magically lock with yours, then he would come over to you (or vice versa) and you would participate in a few minutes of banter followed by a date and, then Cloud 9, then betrayal because he cant commit and then Cloud 9 again because he will come to your job or your coffee shop and say how he was wrong for letting you go. You know. I don't need you remind you that life is not a romantic comedy, so when you lay eyes on your creepin' target don't be surprised when he doesn't look back at you, because how can he. You are making sure he doesn't because he has stunned you and you feel like you would die if you spoke to him.

So you start to plan your creep attack. You go over the location you saw this man in your mind and try to remember the time of day you saw him. For example, you go back to the coffee shop, or the music shop or the courtroom days later to see if he is still there. Creep. Sometimes he is, sometimes he's not but on that rare occasion that he is, you make damn sure that you look your best and position yourself in a location where he can see you from from the best angles. This is the moment where you have to strike up a conversation, convince yourself that you are a strong sexy women going after what she wants, when in fact this man hasn't noticed you before. If you are successful maybe he will fall for your charms. Usually it may not happen and that's when you truly realize you must back off. If this gorgeous man is someone you see everyday then it is sometimes hard to walk away from the addictiveness of creepin', which brings me to my daily creepiness.

The type of creepy I'm referring to is known as “looking at oh so sexy lawyers at work and admiring their sexy lawyer moves but NEVER speaking to them”. Before working at the Rochester City Court I never thought male lawyers could be sexy. Maybe there would be one out of the pack, who was the prodigal son, but never did I imagine there would be a good chunk of them just strolling around court every day. Well at my job its like a sexy buffet of sexy smart men in suits being all kinds of sexy. Since most of my mornings consists of sitting in court with judges and their staff I get the opportunity to look at the hot lawyers daily, but when court lets out they go back to their offices, so all I can do is creep on them. I guess its not deliberately creeping. I cant help it that we both have to work in the same courtroom and that they are sexy, so I stare. I still feel like a creep though. Remember that blog I wrote months ago about how I was going to muster up the courage to talk to one of the lawyers? Well that happened and it didn't go well. Here is the story about how a little alcohol and create a bad situation for a creep. It also taught me how to figure out if you're creeping and when to save yourself. I was going to make this into a separate blog post called “Liquid Courage” but lets not delay the story......

"Liquid Courge"

I've never been brave. Never. People perceive me to be a lot bolder than I actually am. I have no problem admitting that I'm shy. Well, I've been working on this little character trait of mine for sometime. I've blogged about it a little, and I've been taking tiny steps to improve my outgoing nature. You may remember my blog about the “Scruffy Lawyer” man. Well this is the story of how sometimes being brave (and drunk) can make you confess things that you didn't even mean to say.

One Friday afternoon I received a text from my friend Michelle announcing my favorite time of the day: Happy Hour. The idea of happy hour after a less then sensational week sounded like music to my ears. So at 5pm I changed my clothes and headed over to one of my favorite spots; Selena's. Selena's is known for its amazing food and ridiculously strong drinks, perfection. So after about an hour of girl talk and indulgence we decided to to check out some of the art galleries around the city. As we were heading out I saw him. It was Scruffy Lawyer Man! I had a choice then and there. I could keep walking out of the bar, or I could walk right on up to him and um.....talk to him? I grabbed my friend Shannon and told her “Its him its him! I have to say something!”. Shannon being the voice of reason could see how drunk and deluded and I was and told me “NO! Whit, not now.” But all I could see was achieving my goal of talking to the lawyer I hand been creepin on! This was the time! I told Shannon “This could be the night where anything is possible!” You know I love possibilities. So much to her dismay and concern she followed me over to the bar where Scruffy Lawyer Man was. This is where the creeping began. I knew I was being a creep but I told myself that I was being assertive and confident, simply introducing myself to a lawyer from work. After all I want to be a lawyer someday (its true). As I inched my way over to him, I tried to psych myself up. Going over how I would introduce myself, maybe what topics to bring up. I was standing right next to him, and he still didn't noticed (THAT IS HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT YOU BEING A CREEP). After a few seconds of staring at him I decided to act like I had accidentally bumped into him. Here's the transcript of what happened:

Me: Oh Hi!

Scruffy: Hey

Me: I work with Rochester Teen Court! I'm Whitney.

Scruffy: Oh yeah how are you? I'm – (could not hear what he said he name was, and was too drunk and fixated on him to care)

-So we made some small talk about the judge he works for and my dreams of law school yadda yadda. Then it got weird...creepy weird. This is the point I should have SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WALKED AWAY. But no I felt the need to add this...(Note this is the edited version without the drunk babbling, you'll still get the gist)

Me: I just want you to know....I really admire you. You inspire me, how nice you are to all of the people you defend. (Blah blah)

Scruffy: Oh well you know....yeah

Me: Yeah...... (drunk and not understanding)

Scruffy: Well it looks like your friend is getting a little freaked out so.... (Shannon had just been standing there the whole time watching my fall from grace)

Me: Oh yeah, sorry! We should go! Bye????

DO NOT TELL SOMEONE YOU JUST MET THAT THEY INSPIRE YOU, DO NOT.

The End

I still see this man daily at work, and while I have slowly recovered from the mortifying awkwardness. I still could have saved myself the embarrassment. Looking back Scruffy was more of a role model than a sexy man friend-prospect but now I just look crazy to him.

You have to think before you creep, my friends. I cant type about this anymore, I'm getting creeped out so let me just wrap this post up.

The moral of the story is; as exciting as the creep is, its a dangerous game. You mostly look like a crazy person. When I find myself on the precipice of a creep, I try to tell myself “How would you feel if a guy was doing this to you?”. Exactly. Just be brave and introduce yourself in a normal way, and let fate/the man in question take it from there.

"My Most Romantic Day"

 

I LOVE horoscopes, I just love 'em! While I'm a huge advocate of creating your own destiny and being in charge of one's life. Horoscopes are just so great. For one thing my star sign matches who I am perfectly. I am the truest definition of a “Cancer” (look it up). Besides my well suited star sign, its the fact that horoscopes add so much intrigue to your day. What is predicted very rarely actually happens verbatim, but it is somewhat accurate most of the time. To me horoscopes are more about the “Possibility”.

What would life be like without the possibility.? Possibility is pretty much how I get through the day; imagination and creativity, thinking of fabulous new ventures. I love believing that anything is possible and what makes me even happier is when I can turn “non-believers” into supporters of the possibility. So last month when my Elle magazine horoscope told me that May 17^th 2011 was going to be my “most romantic day of the year” hmmmm I wasn't so sure how to take that astrological prediction.

See, I like to create “possibilities” in terms of real life day to day things. For example: who is having an affair with whom, or who is actually a spy or a superhero or something completely fictional ( I have the mind if a 7 year old girl). In terms of my own love life I find that cynicism is the best tactic, not fantasy. So when faced with my quickly approaching “Most Romantic Day” what the fuck was I supposed to do? I'm single, I'm done with dating while in Rochester, and I have no prospects lets be honest. For a single and cynical young women approaching 23 your “Most Romantic Day” sounds to me like: “Your long term boyfriend is going to make you a romantic meal from the Food Network website and massage you. Massage you while you listen to Ray LaMontage”. BORING, cliche, yadda yadda.

The thought of typical romance makes me want to die inside. The go-to safety romance routine that other girls dream of is nothing that I ever want. I don't find it appealing at all. I can pick my own flowers, order my own romantic meal from a menu and hire someone to give me a fabulous massage. This got me thinking “What does romance mean to me?

Well when I think of romance I think of one thing: laughter. A funny man bringing well crafted and kind laughter into my life is the most romantic possibility I can imagine. Laughing is my favorite thing, its a joy from within, and that joy stays in my memories and in my heart much longer than a meal and flowers ever will. Why? Perhaps it's because honest and natural humor comes from inside of a person. If a sexy man friend can make me laugh (provided he treats me well and is a good person etc.) that's all the romance I need. When a man has learned the inner quirks and workings of my weird little brain and has crafted a special joke or bit just for me, that's when I get butterflies. My heart goes “You get me! You know! You're listening”.

Connecting like that to me is more powerful than any other romantic display. This has only happened with one specific guy in my life, and he is long gone. C'est la vie. While I tend to laugh at most things that are mildly amusing, and I do kid around A LOT, it takes a really authentic dude to understand what really makes me happy. What I'm realizing is that in terms of a man in life, I'm looking for someone who can answer this question correctly: “What can you give to me that I can't already give to myself?” or “What are you going to add to my life that makes you and me an awesome team?”. I'm learning that I'm great on my own, materialistically speaking and self esteem wise. It's not about what you buy for me. I have everything I need. It's not about how you compliment me. Words are words.

So when I think about my most romantic day of the year in terms of where I'm at in my life right now I don't know what to think. As May 17th got closer and closer I decided that since I have no “man friend” or any “possibility” of some man friend-romance happening by the date in question, I was going to at least make damn sure my day was fabulous regardless. So I did what any single girl does: I ate chicken wing dip in my sweatpants while watching Real Housewives with my best friend.

I wasn't going to sit around analyzing why I had no man to romance me on my “Most Romantic Day” or wait around for something to happen. That's bullshit. Of course it made me a little bummed, but hey I'm a human, we feel. The omen of romance that loomed over my head made me understand some things. While I love a good horoscope, its pointless to let it dictate your life. A horoscope can provide a good blog post, a self reflection, and even a possibility. It's what you you do with that possibility that dictates how much you'll be laughing-instead of waiting, in the end.