Creepin'

Warning: Ladies don't judge me and this blog post, because WE HAVE ALL DONE THIS, leave your pious shit at home, and just accept the fact that we have all creeped.

I'm a creep you guys. I'm an actual creep I know this and accept it. The art of creepin' is established over some years of practice. Some may call it “strategically admiring from a far”, but I've realized that its just being creepy. How creepin' starts, usually begins with a girl laying eyes on a boy who is so attractive that she can't even form words. This boy you end up giving a name to like “Thick Sexy Lawyer Man”, or “Music Store Boy” or “Lettuce Man”. You will lay eyes on this man in the most unexpected place but once you do you cant stop thinking about him. In romantic comedies you would lay eyes on this man and his eyes would magically lock with yours, then he would come over to you (or vice versa) and you would participate in a few minutes of banter followed by a date and, then Cloud 9, then betrayal because he cant commit and then Cloud 9 again because he will come to your job or your coffee shop and say how he was wrong for letting you go. You know. I don't need you remind you that life is not a romantic comedy, so when you lay eyes on your creepin' target don't be surprised when he doesn't look back at you, because how can he. You are making sure he doesn't because he has stunned you and you feel like you would die if you spoke to him.

So you start to plan your creep attack. You go over the location you saw this man in your mind and try to remember the time of day you saw him. For example, you go back to the coffee shop, or the music shop or the courtroom days later to see if he is still there. Creep. Sometimes he is, sometimes he's not but on that rare occasion that he is, you make damn sure that you look your best and position yourself in a location where he can see you from from the best angles. This is the moment where you have to strike up a conversation, convince yourself that you are a strong sexy women going after what she wants, when in fact this man hasn't noticed you before. If you are successful maybe he will fall for your charms. Usually it may not happen and that's when you truly realize you must back off. If this gorgeous man is someone you see everyday then it is sometimes hard to walk away from the addictiveness of creepin', which brings me to my daily creepiness.

The type of creepy I'm referring to is known as “looking at oh so sexy lawyers at work and admiring their sexy lawyer moves but NEVER speaking to them”. Before working at the Rochester City Court I never thought male lawyers could be sexy. Maybe there would be one out of the pack, who was the prodigal son, but never did I imagine there would be a good chunk of them just strolling around court every day. Well at my job its like a sexy buffet of sexy smart men in suits being all kinds of sexy. Since most of my mornings consists of sitting in court with judges and their staff I get the opportunity to look at the hot lawyers daily, but when court lets out they go back to their offices, so all I can do is creep on them. I guess its not deliberately creeping. I cant help it that we both have to work in the same courtroom and that they are sexy, so I stare. I still feel like a creep though. Remember that blog I wrote months ago about how I was going to muster up the courage to talk to one of the lawyers? Well that happened and it didn't go well. Here is the story about how a little alcohol and create a bad situation for a creep. It also taught me how to figure out if you're creeping and when to save yourself. I was going to make this into a separate blog post called “Liquid Courage” but lets not delay the story......

"Liquid Courge"

I've never been brave. Never. People perceive me to be a lot bolder than I actually am. I have no problem admitting that I'm shy. Well, I've been working on this little character trait of mine for sometime. I've blogged about it a little, and I've been taking tiny steps to improve my outgoing nature. You may remember my blog about the “Scruffy Lawyer” man. Well this is the story of how sometimes being brave (and drunk) can make you confess things that you didn't even mean to say.

One Friday afternoon I received a text from my friend Michelle announcing my favorite time of the day: Happy Hour. The idea of happy hour after a less then sensational week sounded like music to my ears. So at 5pm I changed my clothes and headed over to one of my favorite spots; Selena's. Selena's is known for its amazing food and ridiculously strong drinks, perfection. So after about an hour of girl talk and indulgence we decided to to check out some of the art galleries around the city. As we were heading out I saw him. It was Scruffy Lawyer Man! I had a choice then and there. I could keep walking out of the bar, or I could walk right on up to him and um.....talk to him? I grabbed my friend Shannon and told her “Its him its him! I have to say something!”. Shannon being the voice of reason could see how drunk and deluded and I was and told me “NO! Whit, not now.” But all I could see was achieving my goal of talking to the lawyer I hand been creepin on! This was the time! I told Shannon “This could be the night where anything is possible!” You know I love possibilities. So much to her dismay and concern she followed me over to the bar where Scruffy Lawyer Man was. This is where the creeping began. I knew I was being a creep but I told myself that I was being assertive and confident, simply introducing myself to a lawyer from work. After all I want to be a lawyer someday (its true). As I inched my way over to him, I tried to psych myself up. Going over how I would introduce myself, maybe what topics to bring up. I was standing right next to him, and he still didn't noticed (THAT IS HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT YOU BEING A CREEP). After a few seconds of staring at him I decided to act like I had accidentally bumped into him. Here's the transcript of what happened:

Me: Oh Hi!

Scruffy: Hey

Me: I work with Rochester Teen Court! I'm Whitney.

Scruffy: Oh yeah how are you? I'm – (could not hear what he said he name was, and was too drunk and fixated on him to care)

-So we made some small talk about the judge he works for and my dreams of law school yadda yadda. Then it got weird...creepy weird. This is the point I should have SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WALKED AWAY. But no I felt the need to add this...(Note this is the edited version without the drunk babbling, you'll still get the gist)

Me: I just want you to know....I really admire you. You inspire me, how nice you are to all of the people you defend. (Blah blah)

Scruffy: Oh well you know....yeah

Me: Yeah...... (drunk and not understanding)

Scruffy: Well it looks like your friend is getting a little freaked out so.... (Shannon had just been standing there the whole time watching my fall from grace)

Me: Oh yeah, sorry! We should go! Bye????

DO NOT TELL SOMEONE YOU JUST MET THAT THEY INSPIRE YOU, DO NOT.

The End

I still see this man daily at work, and while I have slowly recovered from the mortifying awkwardness. I still could have saved myself the embarrassment. Looking back Scruffy was more of a role model than a sexy man friend-prospect but now I just look crazy to him.

You have to think before you creep, my friends. I cant type about this anymore, I'm getting creeped out so let me just wrap this post up.

The moral of the story is; as exciting as the creep is, its a dangerous game. You mostly look like a crazy person. When I find myself on the precipice of a creep, I try to tell myself “How would you feel if a guy was doing this to you?”. Exactly. Just be brave and introduce yourself in a normal way, and let fate/the man in question take it from there.