A few days ago I saw the touring production of West Side Story. I'm a HUGE Broadway nerd, HUGE and I will see anything, any show....... anything. Since I live 7 hours away from NYC in good old Rochester, and I'm poor, its been a lack luster Broadway season for me. On the other hand I do live one block away from the theater that houses all the Broadway touring performances. In the fall I made a promise to myself that I would see West Side. It never occurred to me that going to see a show alone was such a taboo decision. My friends aren't huge Broadway people, but instead of being excited for me that I was finally seeing the performance they were more concerned, and perhaps horrified that I was seeing the show alone. “You're going by yourself?????!?!!!”.
Um ,Yeah I am.
Here's the deal; Broadway is one of the most special hobbies in my life. It is a religious sermon of music and dance. Why would I not see a show just because I didn't have someone to go with me? First of all you can't talk during a show, its a solo experience, and if you do bring someone you always have to ask what they think about the production or check their face in the dark for reactions. The bottom line is, I worship West Side Story, and I know I'm going to love it, so why do I need somebody else there with me, if I don't feel the need to bring someone. Its 3 hours alone, that's all. 3 hours of musical solitude in which to reflect and connect and feel. Why do I need a partner for that?! (Many people would disagree with me, I know. Some people like to share in the experience of seeing a show, I get it.) I was explaining this to my BFF Katie and she agreed. She also told me that she dinned alone recently. Just her, her food and a book in a nice restaurant. Not many people can do that.
Why cant we do that?!
Why are we so afraid of being alone? Being an only child I can understand. I hate being alone, sometimes I hate living alone, I just want to be around people all of the time. The thing is though alone time is so necessary. So why are we so afraid of it. Why did I get those looks of pity from people who heard that I was going to see a show alone. The instant reaction in my head was “Fuck off! I'm a big girl. I can take my own damn self to a show, love it and be fine with that”. Even if I was in a relationship, or had a friend who wanted to go I don't think I would ask them to come with me.
What bothers me most is that people can't even appreciate the fact that you are doing something alone. There is no celebration or positive acknowledgment for that kind of independence. Whether it is eating alone, seeing a movie alone, or going for a long walk alone. All people can see is that you are 1 person without a plus-1. and 1 is the loneliest number after all. Singles are discriminated against I believe. If you don't have an activity partner, you are pathetic it seems. Maybe this is me just ranting, but you have to admit, people think these things.
Now that our mid twenties are only a couple of years away, many of my friends have started to panic about the rest of their lives. Its time to shack up, time to get the long term live-in boyfriend with the pet and the commitment. It's important to realize though that being alone doesn't mean that you are lonely. It really doesn't. We associate alone with lonely which equals undesired, which means you are ultimately and undesirable candidate for companionship. Why do we do this?
Doing things alone gives me anxiety, and I know there is always a friend I can call if I want to grab coffee or go on a walk, or go shopping, but solitude isn't a prison sentence. In fact for me, its a kind of meditation. The more comfortable we can become being alone with ourselves the easier I believe it is when we in fact to breakup with someone or find ourselves without a partner in this game of life.
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