Mind Your Manners

I'm a girly girl. I love shopping, I love makeup, I love trying different looks and getting my nails done. I love feeling pretty. Finding a perfect outfit that you know looks amazing and “werkin' yo shit” is the greatest. When you know you look good, your day is so much better, you have a skip in your step and animals follow you around while you sing songs to everyone you encounter.

While I try to look my best everyday, sometimes my beauty regimen can get a little redundant; the same work outfits, and the same hairstyle. Not having enough time to 'va-va-voom” every day. I mean I wake up late most days to be honest. So I decided about once a week I would pull out the big guns. Wednesday is usually my busiest, most stressful day of the week, so at least I can control how good I look. I mean I look good on Wednesday. What they say about confidence is true. When you are confident other people catch on. People can feed off of your vibes, and this has presented a problem for me.

I've come to find that men aren't subtle. On those days when I feel that I look great and I'm walking down the street, I get stared at, I get cat-calls and I get the double takes (This is NOT me trying to be vain, and obnoxious, talking about all my compliments, its really not). This in fact bothers me A LOT. I hate when men undress me with their eyes. Yes I have a curvy body, I like to accent my eyes, and lips, but that in no way means that you are entitled to say disgusting things to me and think you are being cute. Its a free country I get it, but I still have the right to some respect, don't I? What do you expect me to do when you holler at me? What do you expect me to do when you grab my arm?! Seriously, a man -a STRANGER, grabbed my arm the other day while was at work in a poor attempt at trying to flirt with me! Don't touch me sir. Stop looking at my boobs and my ass. Believe it or not I can get insecure. People really think I'm much more confident than I actually am.

Wednesday was supposed to be MY day! My pretty day, the one day of the week, where I step it up. On these days I find myself wanting to go back into the shadows regretting my decision. I understand that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, but at the same time it still bothers me when I am viewed as a slab of meat, or treated in a porn star fashion. STOP IT. The problem also is that I'm very non-confrontational. When faced with disrespectful flirting or a man trying to cop a feel or whatever. I actually just sashay away. I say nothing. Although I may mumble “yeah inappropriate” under my breath as I scurry to safety, that's about it.

The fierceness that I feel inside cannot be expressed outwardly for the world. What should you say when faced with a creepy flirt-er who is messing up your vibes and making you want to cry!? Do you say: “YOU, SIR! Are a PIG! You should be shamed of your self! (slap slap)” wahhhh wahhh yeah OK no. Don't engage them. Walk away. Rule #1 Don't engage the flirt-er, they eat it up. Any more eye contact or conversation can be perceived as interest. NO, walk away. So I do, and then I tweet about it and brush it off. In moments of struggle I like to ask myself “What would Beyonce do?”

There was a time when I was younger and I wanted the compliments, I would dress in the most revealing outfits and just be asking for it. I mean I was 16 and the movie Mean Girls had just come out, soooooo you can see where this was coming from. I didn't care, I wanted to be noticed and if you didn't like my outfit screw you (mom and dad!) and if you did (teenage boys) then look all you want! As I've grown up I've learned to appreciate my body and dress in ways that flatter it, for the most part. While I don't plan on getting a breast reduction or starving myself to have a body like a 10 year old prepubescent girl. I don't think that I should have to just accept verbal exploitation from strangers.

It makes me sad/angry/frustrated that I'd rather be invisible than stand out some days, because I just can't take it. I know, I know poor me blahhh blahhh. I'm sure some of you don't understand why I am ranting about this or are asking yourself “Why is she complaining?”

Oh trust me I had my ugly duckling phase growing up. I just left my ugly duckling phase around age 18. I know what it's like to be ignored and to have no one notice you. To be the “ugly friend”.  Trust me. I've experienced both sides.

I'm not saying I don't go “Hubba Hubba!”over men who I personally find attractive. For example as I was driving home from work the other day, I saw the sexiest-thick shirtless man running in my neighborhood. I mean he had the most beautiful sweaty -muscular back I had ever seen. Like seriously. Did I cat-call him? Did I honk at him? Did I slow the car down? NO. NO. NO. I gasped at his beauty and kept on driving.

Let's make this more general. Why do any of us feel the need to cat call, or flirt aggressively to people WE DON'T KNOW. I understand it can give you a rush, I'm not judging. I have drunkenly cat called at guys a few times in my past and guess what? Those men looked mortified, and just as embarrassed as I get when men do it to me. I think the reason some of us are uncomfortable with abrasive flirtation or disrespectful comments is because it is coming from an aggressive and sexual place. The person doing it may even be joking, but inside you know they are thinking about you in a sexual way. We are sexual beings, all of us are. You can even feel when someone is thinking about you in a sexual way. I know I can spot the glimmer in a man's eye. If I'm NOT into that man, then it makes my stomach churn, however if I AM in fact attracted to that man it makes me go “YESSSSS YESSSSSSSS!!!!”.

The way you flirt is like your first impression, and if you treat me with disrespect I have no interest in you. I use this quote by Maya Angelou a lot “When people show you who they are, believe them”. Its so true. Honestly the sexiest and most effective form of flirting in my opinion is just BEING YOURSELF! Seriously, be yourself. No creepy lines, no bullshit. When you look comfortable in your own skin and feel at ease, that is when you are sure to score.

I'm curious to know what people are thinking when they cat-call people, or act too aggressive in the flirting process? Why do it? Where is the happy place between creeping and sexual harassment? Its a fine line, and many of us have been searching for this happy place for a while. Sigh, I'm at a loss you guys. I feel I need to research this topic further. “The Art of Flirtation”. Let me call some of my male friends and get back to you all.