“Here's to the ladies who brunch”

After a busy week and most likely a drunken Saturday night; nothing brings me more joy than Sunday Brunch with my girls. The evolution of Sunday Brunch started about 3 or 4 months ago. Laura had an exciting date scheduled with a man who liked to Tango (seriously! Tango!) She was meeting him for brunch in one of the many swanky cafes our neighborhood possesses. Well since Becca, Shannon and myself had a free Sunday morning, we decided to do a little brunch of our own. We couldn't help it if our brunch was at the restaurant next door to Laura's cafe, right?

Out of all the great ideas we have had, I must declare that Sunday brunch is one of the best. You will never feel as glamorous and as grown up as you do at Sunday brunch. It is every twenty-something female hipster's delight. Relaxing in your jeans and pashmina scarf, while feasting on eggs over medium. From that very first Sunday we vowed that we would keep Sunday brunch a tradition. As we finished our delicious meal we realized that Laura hadn't texted us yet to meet up. Which could only mean one thing: She was STILL on her date. Hmmmmmm. Well well well, things must have been heating up. Since the three of us had nothing on our schedules for that Sunday afternoon (aka no lives of our own), we decided to wait it out. This game is also known as “Lets creep around Park Avenue until Laura is done with her date”. And creepin is exactly what we did my friends.

We walked up and down the block. Looking in stores, looking in the restaurant window where Laura was. As I write this I realize how weird this sounds, but trust me it was a lot more fun and exciting at the time. We as humans often fail to realize that “spy mode” to us is actually considered stalker mode to others. The three if us finally decided to settle in at the sandwich shop directly across from Laura's location and grab some tea. About an hour and a half had gone by, so we were pretty curious as to what this guy was all about. What could they be doing in there? Had she found Mr. Right? Will she ever join us on our single ladies brunches? Or would she never get to experience it with us!?

If you are single woman and you decide to go out in public on a Sunday afternoon you'll probably want to retreat after an hour or so. Why you may ask? Well, all of the damn couples. Everyone decides to couple up and parade around on Sunday morning/afternoon, Park Ave is deadly during this time. Couples of every shape, size, age, race are out holding hands strolling along, smiling and dining out. Couples can usually be spotted dressed casually in sweatpants (probably because they casually rolled out of bed after having crazy morning sex and now its time to display their love while eat waffles or whatever), besides they don't have to impress anyone! Who cares!? Sometimes the couples can be seen accompanied by pets, or parents or siblings...or all three.

If you are a single girl, no matter how fabulous and fierce and independent you may be. I don't care if you just had the best no-strings attached one night stand the night before. When you step out into the “Danger Zone” on a Sunday afternoon all you can think is “What the hell is going on? Damn all this cuteness. FML. I want a boyfriend”. Pathetic I know.

Well I had my girls at my side this one dangerous morning. While we waited for our break out dating superstar: Ms. Laura, we watched all of the couples and we decided to play a little game. I highly suggest you all play. The name of the game is “1 to 100”: you sit in a crowded area and check out all of the men. If you would in fact sleep with the man in question you tally him down on your piece of paper. By the end of an hour or so you count up all your men and compare you scores. A good amount of time in our “screw by numbers” game, we noticed that Laura was almost THREE HOURS into her date! Then.....we saw her very own Bachelor #4. They were walking right past our cafe window! Thankfully she didn't see us, and we were able to get a pretty good look at her date. He received mixed reviews on his “bone-ability” but he was Laura's man, not ours. After a few minutes of staring at them while they said their good byes, we immediately called her and commanded her to come join us.

While the origin of Ladies Sunday Brunch was born out of a a spy mission, and it has evolved into a great tradition. As a result of one random afternoon we realized how important our friendship had become. Our year in Rochester was just beginning, filled with fears, hopes, and expectations. We may not have all of the answers but on that Sunday in the coffee shop we knew we had each other. Now instead of venturing out into the couple filled landmine that is our neighborhood; we host Ladies Brunch on our own. Cooking together, catching up on the week, discussing whatever is on our minds. Not only can we stuff our faces but we can also do it in our pajamas. Don't worry we haven't let ourselves go. Every now and then we'll put on our Sunday best and head over to the Drag Brunch; the Mecca of brunches.

So why am I writing about Sunday brunch? Why is it even a relevant topic to this blog? Well I believe that as a result of brunch my sanity has been somewhat restored. Men may come and go, people may piss us off at work, we may not meet our own expectations for the week, and we may just wind up feeling a little lack luster; but we can always count on Sunday afternoons filled with good food, good conversation and good friends. I would take that over morning sex and brunch with my man's parents any day of the week. Maybe some day I'll feel different but for right now, Single Sunday is exactly where I want to be.

“A for apathy/effort?”

 

  Oh yeah I went on a date with Bachelor #4, this was actually months ago. Like in January? Needless to say; considering its taken me this long to write about him, he wasn't that memorable. Bachelor #4 taught me a valuable lesson though about preconceived notions. Although you may think you have a good idea of who a potential man mate is simply based on messaging and pictures; in reality you don't know shit. Lets go back, lets go back, lets go way back way back when. All the way back to about 3 months ago... I think. The day that Bachelor #4 decided to contact me.

This experience was so forgettable that I barely remember it. I do remember that this date with Bachelor #4 was shortly after Bachelor #3 decided to treat me like shit, and while I wasn't that attracted to Bachelor #4 (well from what I could see in his pictures) I decided I needed a person with a penis to flatter me. You know, to help me recover from the scares of my bad date past. This is what I remember vaguely about our online messaging banter. Let me just list it all.

-He messaging me, calls me beautiful or something

-I respond trying to sound cool. I check his profile out but come to find he is a whiny emo boy who gives you false promises of sexual favors in his self summary.

-We find out more about each other, and he makes a suggestion to take photos of me since he is a photographer (I almost died of uncomfortableness). Its cool if you think I'm “stunning” but just leave it at that.

-I make some more comments to try and re-direct the conversation , I complemented him on his photos, (he of course gave me the web address to his online portfolio)

-Over the course of a few days Bachelor #4 invites me out for coffee

-We decided on my usual coffee and I very much appreciate his investment in the date considering that bachelor #3 SUCKED.

So at 7pm on Thursday night (my classic date time and day) with a tinge of optimism in my heart, I met Bachelor #4 for coffee. As I approached the doors of the cafe I noticed an emo looking kid just crouching against this brick wall, hair in his face and I could smell his hipster apathy from a mile away. I thought to myself “Oh God is this Kyle?” (Bachelor #4's name). Yes, it in fact was Kyle. I have to tell you that the moment we looked at each other we both knew, it was not happening. Knowing we might as well go through with it, we sat down and had coffee.

I cant even explain the date. It was the usual “interview” format, but this kid just acted like he was too cool for anything. When his hair wasn't constantly in his eyes he was flipping it all over the place. The only thing interesting about the boy was that he was a photographer for my favorite newspaper. He had no sense of humor and I was drowning because he clearly wasn't getting me. When I sense that people think I'm weird or uninteresting I resort to “Liz Lemon Mode” I basically do a stand up routine that consists of weird voices, jokes and awkward statements. Its my internal panic button, and believe me I was pressing the panic button HARD on this date. After about an hour I used my go to get out of jail card: “I'm so sorry but I promised my friend I would go to her birthday party”. Pretty much any party works; housewarming/ got a new job party/engagement party etc.

So we awkwardly got up and went our separate ways. There was no “good game” hug this time around and I swear that I heard him actually laugh as he said “goodbye” to me! Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess. I have to say the experiences of Bachelors 3 and 4 have given me a thicker skin, and lets be honest; those experiences have also given me a bit of cynicism about men. Its OK though. I think that now I”ll just take my dates with a grain of salt. While I am still hopeful that there are some good men out there, I truly feel that MY man is NOT here in Rochester. Maybe my problems is that I fantasize too much about exactly what I want. I cant help it though, without my imagination I have nothing to look forward too.

It still boggles my mind how Bachelor #4 could be so incredibly into me online, even asking me to pose for his photos then turn around and treat me like a leper. But at the same time I have to admit every guy I've gone out with this year has disappointed me. They always seem more exciting in my head. Sexier, funnier and better looking (I'm sorry if this is shallow). Then upon meeting them I have to catch my bearings. They we not what I was expecting....

I still have the hope that eventually I will meet a man who lives up to all of my expectations, and I really don't expect that much. At least I don't think I do. Do I? I suppose I didn't live up to Bachelor #4's fantasy, and that's cool with me, he'll always have my online profile pictures to gaze at if he ever gets bored and wants to use his imagination.

Dry Spell

Well hello there! I'm just the worst! I realize I used to be a 2 blog a week girl and now I'm maybe once a month, if you're lucky. I've been pretty busy with work and making plans for next year that I haven't had time for a night to stay in. A night to blissfully type away while listening to Adele's greatest hits while guzzling my Barefoot wine, but tonight....is the night my friends. Maybe the real reason I haven't been blogging, and I've been spending less and less time alone is that I'm just plain RESTLESS. Sorry if you thought I was going to say I found a man or a lovahhhhh or a boyfriend of something along those lines. Nope. Sorry. Although I have has some note able male interactions these past few months, none have been that monumental.

I'm tired you guys. Tired because of this crappy winter weather. Tired of dating lack luster guys. Tired of worrying about next year's plans and also tired of being a whiny bitch. No more whining. Since springtime is refusing to show itself I need to create some springtime within me! If I'm going to take this new sunshine filled outlook seriously, we might as well re-visit my cloudy wintery past briefly I guess. Can you believe its April already?! I will finally update you loyal readers. I'll tell the tales of Bachelors #4 through #7 and a few other anecdotes about what my life has been like during this hiatus. You deserve it, your patience is appreciated. So without further ado, lets begin.

Fleeting Thought #6: Gimmie and Beat!

I have a few unnecessary burning desires I will admit, but one in particular has been preoccupying my mind lately (yes more than the powers of teleportation!). The dilemma of having my own theme music. I'm a pretty expressive person, but sometimes my facial commentary just isn't enough to get my point across. I work better through song and sassy choreography.

The benefits of having life turn into a musical montage is that you can pull a Beyonce or a Gaga. A.ka. look like a crazy bitch, yelling riffing in a sparkling onesie and have it be OK, because its for the sake of the performance. Just blame Sasha Fierce. If it was socially acceptable to blame “Whit-Nay Fierce” for all my diva-isms trust me I would stay in character pretty much all of the time while I was in public. If celebrities like Niki Minaje (I have no idea how you spell her name and I don't care enough to check) and Elton John can have alter performance egos then why oh why cant I?

I'm not quite sure what suddenly revved up my musical aspirations of diva-hood. Maybe its the fact that GLEE has continued to let me down week after week. Or maybe its the new inspiration I'm receiving from Gaga's come back. Either way this cry for more attention is a clear indicator of a winter slump. Hmmmmm.

Love ME Madly

I've been toying around with an idea for the month of February. It's a little something I like to call “Valentines MONTH”. A month created for ME by ME. Now Don't get me wrong, I love Valentine”s Day. I'm a mush remember? If you are in a relationship on Valentines Day, get it! Is it worth it? Lemme work it! I believe all tacky and fabulous holidays aka Valentines Day, Superbowl, Fourth of July, the day before Thanksgiving should be done right! Live it up to the fullest.

For the past two years I have even taken it upon myself to host a St. Valentines Day Massacre. A day of fashion, friends, excess, booze, club beats, lovin', and hot mess results. What a better way to spend the day then running through the snow from college bar to college bar belligerent with your single guys and girls, its amazing. Unfortunately since I'm a big girl now and not rolling deep on the Binghamton University campus anymore, the Massacre has since been passed on to my successors.

Speaking of single. I sure as hell still am. I'm actually kind of glad, if that makes any sense. While I still have an active account on OK Cupid, and participate in the occasional messaging tete-a-tete. I have no more desire to be aggressive with the whole dating game. I still have to dish about Bachelors #4 and #5 with you all and the lovely crew of men I met the club a few weeks ago. But in terms of Mr. Right Now I'm like “eh whatever”. I know its lame! I blame the seasonal depression and I'm pretty sure that once the flowers bloom again so will my optimism, aggression, and sunny disposition. As for my present situation, I'm having fun just seeing where my day takes me and what guys I happen to meet along the way. Life is a lot more hilarious when you just relax.

I feel like I've been so focused on these damn websites and other trivial matters that I've lost sight of what is really important: ME!!!!!! I've let myself get lost; mind, body and spirit. Instead of celebrating me I've been trying to conform myself into a girl who is appealing to online strangers! I've been lowering myself to the shitty treatment of online Jo Schmoes. Big NO NO!

If I'm not as  fierce and fabulous as I can be, then what is the point of dating someone anyway?! While I preach self love and body love constantly, it is sometimes easy to slip up and crossover to the land of the insecure. A woman willing to please at any cost, or willing to blame herself first. Remember y'all I'm a Joan NOT a Betty Draper.

So that is when Valentine's Month came into play. I guess I should tell you all how I actually spent Valentine's Day. Well, I worked until 7:30 then my good friend Shannon and I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 7 part 1,  again for 75 cents. We laughed, we cried, we felt awkward watching the naked cartoons make out...again. And we oggled Ron's hotness and rage. (Why am I the only person who is openly sobbing at the end?! Dammit Dobby I just love you too much! ). I know, we're revolutionaries.  Its been years since I've actually had a Valentine and already by age 22 the novelty has worn off. If I ever find a suitable man mate, Valentine's Day will be a day of weird and fun activities, like knitting classes and bar crawls. None of that cute shit, and this future man mate better be accepting of the Valentine's Month, which I will be keeping forever.

Everyone deserves a Valentine's Month, it's that crucial time in winter where you are so tired of the fucking snow and not seeing the sun, and eating junk and being lazy that you need to bounce back from loathing. Since its the shortest month of the year there's no guilt! Take the month to try something you always wanted to. Go shopping just for you. Or start eating those healthy foods that you have been avoiding all winter. That's one of my pursuits for the month, getting healthy again! Its about spoiling yourself. You should be your own Valentine. I don't feel anymore guilt about spoiling myself or promoting extreme high self esteem, because you know what, this is the only time in my life where I can act completely selfish and have if be OK. So why not. Treat every day like a Ke$ha song before its too late. Now go out there and get a massage! You only have two weeks left!

Don't Stop Til You Get Enough

Something has been puzzling me for quite sometime. Its the guys who continue to message me even after I ignore them. I cant decide if they are either desperate or trying to tire me out. Their messages often change as well. The patterns are always different depending on the guy.

Aggressive, to sly, to perverted, to attempting to reel you in with sweetness. Any of these combinations. Men will continue to message me even after I have ignored them time and time again! Why is this? Maybe they like the chase? Maybe some of them just want a response back?

I have had experiences with guys who reply back begging me for a conversations and some guys  demanding to know why I didn't respond. Then there are the other ones, who just like to send me a daily greeting. I'm beginning to feel defeated by online dating. All of the guys that I think are going to be great...well aren't and I seem to be hitting a roadblock, and just not  caring. I'm almost ready to give up and let Mr. Right Now find me, let him do some damn work. My new found apathy and depressed philosophy has led me down the road of “sure, why not”. Why not say yes to the weirdos, maybe they will at least enlighten me or amuse me or lead me towards the dating holy grail. So instead of just ignoring the persistent men who love to throw me a daily one-liner, I've decided to challenge them. I tell them to meet me for coffee, wish granted. You want it so bad, then you got it and you better prove yourself then.  Snap Snap!

Fleeting Thought #6

Men are the weirdest people ever and since I'm not meeting Mr. Right Now at all (I'm not even close); I might as well talk to as many guys as I can. I want to learn more about what goes on inside their heads. I don't understand men, it is true that they are just as complex as women. I miss my college days when I could just ask my guy friends for advice and they would give me a crude yet real answer about their gender. In this new city I'm so lost. The men I have met are just NOT IT. None of them know how to be fun or make me laugh or enjoy spending time with them. I feel like the men I meet are so hung up on themselves they cant be real. Everyone is so uptight and worried about too many things, most of them shallow worries. I have no idea how to read the opposite sex, so therefor I've decided to just drown myself into them. I want to ask around, get answers from men about my plaguing questions, and do research on them. They are a specimen and I need to get better acquainted with. Since I am convinced my right guy doesn't exist in Rochester, there is no pressure any more. Sure I'll keep staying on the dating sites, but I'm more interested in meeting men as individuals, and finding out why they do the things that they do. I can actually breathe a sigh of relief now, because I'm on a different mission.