Stop, Look and Listen

The Big Apple and I have a complicated relationship. I’m never sure if we're headed down the same path and rightfully so this city is always taking the lead. Sometimes I hate New York, and sometimes can't believe my luck that I live here.

Within one hour, I am reading about people getting attacked or groped by total strangers, and I'm fearing for my life on the subway. Then 5 minutes later I am strutting down the street saying “Hello!” to everyone and drinking my Starbucks with a song in my heart, in awe of the Greenwich Village neighborhood where I work. Then at the end of the day I'm getting pushed around by the rush hour mob and wandering back to my Harlem neighborhood. This is a place of extreme fantasy and harsh reality.

Every show about NYC is a lie. You will experience snippets of Sex and the City/Friends moments, but it's not going to be your life. The majority of New Yorkers aren’t front and center, because for most of us, we aren’t millionaires who shop at Barney's. We are real people, who look forward to the clearance rack at Anthropologie, free museums and 3 dollar beers. The real people of NYC are amazing, they are TV worthy, but the problem is, we take it all for granted.
In NYC, splendid things happen everyday, but were never take enough time to stop, look and listen. We look at the ground, we look at the buildings, and the advertisements. We don't dare look at each other. We are constantly moving and all we focus on are our customized “on the go” play lists on repeat on our iPods. The thing is, when you stop, really sit still, look around and listen; that’s when magical things happen. Here's what I've observed/discovered in the past month.

1) I found a small black book lying on a table next to my office door that turned out to be guide to New York. It had been donated to my office among a pile of other books. This little book was literally a life saver during my first few weeks. I am no longer breaking out my huge paper map or asking people questions like. “What and where is Tribecca?”. It seemed as if fate put this book in my hands, when I was least expecting it, yet needed it most.

2) At the end of a rough day during a particularly boring subway ride, a new passenger got on the train. This guy, looked like he was in his mid 20s, average, probably a student. Then he pulled a Rubik's Cube out of his bag. You don’t just bring a Rubik's cube out in public. We all know these cube’s are a source of frustration for just about everyone on the planet. The only reason you would-out of the blue bring a Rubik's cube into the public eye, is because you know you can solve it, and that is exactly what this guy did. In about 1 minute, he solved the cube and then just sat there with it. Staring at his work. What? It seemed as if solving the cube on the subway was a normal as reading a book or listening to music. He held the cube in his hand and just stared at it. He did it to relax, he did it because it made him happy. Yet, it seemed that nobody was watching him as intently as I was. No one was watching him at all.

3) The subway is a surprisingly kind environment. Of course there are grumpy people who won't scoot over, or who like to get in fights, or cough everywhere, but the majority of subway riders are there to share in a happy commute, or have 30 mins of peace before emerging from the ground into the chaos. Most days, I see great kindness between people. Smiles, or giving up seats. People often apologize for bumping and shoving, and there are always adorable babies and cute couples loving life.I even saw a woman fall back onto someone, only to get lifted up by the them. You would be surprised how many people have helped each other back on their feet after a subway stumble. Strangers can't look each other in the face, but we will help your neighbor stand again.

4) While having a struggle at the post office (I purchased the wrong box for my package and put the wrong label on it). The post office woman cheered me on as I scraped the sticker off the package. Just as I was about to give up she told me "Keep going! You can still use that label! You give up too easily girl!". She was right! I DO! I was willing to let that postage label dictate me! Not anymore! She could have just as easily made me buy a new package and label, but instead she helped me. She wanted me to save that damn $10 and believed in my label removing abilities. This woman didn't even know me. I was holding up the line and costing her money, yet she still helped me.

These four examples are just a handful of, random yet influential moments that I've experienced since moving here . The reason these situations have left such an impact I believe, is because they happened to me in moments that I felt that New York City wasn't the place for me. People were too abrasive, I was getting lost, and felt alone. Then at the precise moment I wanted to just dis-engage and shut down, I would catch little glimpses of miraculous things. I witnessed New Yorkers acting as human beings rather than aggressive zombie-robots circa "I am Legend".

No one in NYC seems shocked by anything. On the other hand, I have only been living her for about 2 months and everything is shocking, amazing, scary, motivating and upsetting. I hope it stays that way. Too many people I know are desensitized by everything in this city. I suppose it comes with the territory. They’ve seen it all, heard it all, read it all. We traveled to this small island for one reason or another. This collage of colors, shapes, and voices, all contained on a small island. Does it make any sense? 8.1 million people within about a 20 mile radius. 8.1 million stories, millions of couples, millions of singles, millions of families and friendships. I believe that we all should be become more fascinated with each other, for the simple fact that we are all stuck here together. We have to share this space, so we might as well be polite about it.

What if we tried to smile at 5 people a day, and keep a small stash of change, to give away to the people who ask us, instead of just avoiding them. Are we really going to use that 17 cents in our bag or just throw it in a jar at home? What if we said excuse me when we bumped into each other, or complimented someone we are standing next to in line? What if we walked home instead of jumping in a cab?! What if we became less preoccupied with blending in , and became more invested in connecting with everyone else? And what if we believed that we too, yes WE were just as fascinating? Just as fascinating as the Rubik’s cube guy, the mysterious black book, the motivational postal worker and the comforting arms that catch us on the subway when we fall.

All you have to do is 1) Stop 2) Look and 3) Listen.