Have You Ever Had Your Blood Pressure Checked? Also, Do You Grind Your Teeth?

Note: This blog is a hot mess. Enjoy!

So while I was at the dentist today my favorite hygienist told me that they now take blood pressure vitals during teeth cleanings. Weird, but W.E. Seeing as how I just had my blood pressure taken a few weeks ago and it was disturbingly good (112 over 69 BOOOOO YAHHHH)  I was OK with it. Then I got the results back, my blood pressure was bad you guys. OMG so bad. I was practically dead! We re-took it towards the end of the appointment and it had dropped drastically, but it was still not the same as it usually is and was kind of a cause for concern.
This could be a result of a few factors:
1) I'm busy which causes me to eat horribly because I have no time (not an excuse I know). I just recently moved from Rochester and in my last few days I spent most of the time going out to dinner and drinks with friends, sooo I mean... IT'S THE FOOD'S FAULT! (denial and avoidance, sad).
2)I haven't exercised in months because of my 2nd job (not an excuse).
3) I sign up for too many responsibilities in the past few months. The last time I felt relaxed was in January when I was at Disney world....drunk at Epcot.
Seriously though all those bull shit excuses aside. I AM SO STRESSED OUT!!!! I don't understand why. I mean, I do totally understand, but this is crazy. When I'm stressed I do the opposite of what most people do. When I'm, stressed I stop talking and just sit in silence to think. Stress shuts me down. I don't lash out, I just become introverted. And apparently my vitals decide to portray me as a corpse.

So lets break this down and figure out why I'm bitching and what's really bothering me. Everything is so exciting right now but very terrifying.
-I just left Rochester, my home for the past year. I left in a rush. Not taking time to do the things I said I would, working up until the very last day. Packing at the last minute and saying goodbyes without feeling ready. Many people I have grown close with, and now we are all moving to different corners of the country. Some people and I grew apart, and before I knew it they had already moved away without so much as a goodbye text. RUDE. I feel as if I just sprouted roots and now I'm ripping them up, faced with the fact that I need to re-plant myself into another city.

-I have spent so much time away from my friends in NYC/Long Island that I'm out of touch. Their lives have gone on without me there. Things were happening that I missed. While I was creating a life in Rochester, they were carrying on with theirs. Its like I am a grade behind and I have  a lot catching up to do.

-Living in NYC has been a dream of mine for, forever.  Now that it's come to fruition....I'm gonna throw up. My new job seemed so exciting and intriguing and now I'm worried I can't do it. Images of bad luck and failure come to mind when I think of NYC. While everyone else in my life has been so supportive and can see me succeeding I just see myself getting mugged, getting lost and getting fired.

-I will be taking my LSAT in October and applying to law school... (I won't bore you with more information, but this is stressful).

I'm not sure where all this self doubt came from, but if there is such thing a 23 yr old life crisis I might  be in mine. When you get older you realize. "This is your fucking life, so what are you going to do with it?". I've been too busy trying to grab life my the balls that I got caught up in the excitement of all that grabbing and somehow lost my Mojo. Ya know?

This is a scary time for many of the people I know. A lot of us are moving, changing jobs, going back to school, and living alone. We are freaking out when we see friends from high school have babies or get married because we decided not to...yet. The safety net is gone. Mom and dad are retired and aren't coming to our aide because guess what, they have a life now and it includes buying condos and drinking. It does not include paying for our college or taking care of our questions about laundry.

Most of us are still single. Gasp! Which reminds me! The OK cupid men in NYC from what I've seen so far are a real step up. Their messages are better, they are thicker, richer and well traveled with big boy jobs. Even though I'm moving in a few days I decided to change my location to NYC earlier to get a feel for what these big city men were like. Don't worry, the dating game is ON again! I'm going in guns blazing.

But anyway I digress.....

Do I feel guilty for complaining? Absolutely. An unsure person can quickly manifest into a negative person who takes life for granted because they are afraid. Ugh. I never want my hesitation to stop  me from really living my life but I also need to remember that its OK to take a breather sometimes. The way I left Rochester was so sad. When you sign yourself up to do 1,000 different things you don't get the opportunity to experience any of those moments fully.
I want to soak in my year in NYC, and not be afraid to fail. I want to have a  one night stand with the Man v. Food guy (you heard me), publish a book, strut down 5th Ave. I want to go to museums, and  date neurotic men! I was to stalk celebrities and get into law school. I want to be a master of the subway and be able to give someone directions like I know what I'm talking about. I want to keep singing. I want to work hard  at my job and do it well. I want to reconnect with my friends and make new ones and I want to do it all.........with a normal blood pressure.

Hiatus

Hey yah! Its been a while I know. I felt like I was on a roll recently with my blogs and communicating with all of you, and then something horrible happened!  My computer crashed. I mean...gone. Turned it on one day and I saw a blue screen with some gibberish and that was it.

13 pages of blogs and ideas gone. That was about 3 weeks ago and I haven't been feeling like writing a blog since. Not because I don't want to but because, its not the same! I still have many topics and ideas to post to you all, but writing them down isn't the same as typing away on my little Dell laptop (appropriately named "A-Dell/Adele"). I cant even explain how good it is to just drink some wine and listen to some bad pop music and type away, just type type type.

Its so sad that A-Dell is gone, but maybe its a sign. At least I can say I've been on hiatus right? Like a celebrity. And now I can finally get up to date on the latest technology with my new computer. I've also been trying to get things in order for my big move to NYC and working 2 jobs has turned me into an unkempt zombie woman. Its gross and I'm looking forward to a fabulous weekend with friends to set me back into the groove. I promise to start writing more before I hit New York. I have to figure out a way to phase out of Rochester. I'm sick of this place yet feel there is still so much for me to do here! Dilemma!!!!!! I'll try to catch you all up to what's been going on lately! Stay tuned!  

 

Whit <3